Johan Ess – Vltrahex (Sirona Edition)

artist: Johan Ess
title: Vltrahex (sirona edition)
cat: Siro492
keywords: witchwave, wobble, dance, industrial
format: mp3 320 kbps
label: Sirona Records

Good day people! Welcome at another bright light of word stabbing.

I have to confess something before i start.. normally i review stuff that is random or send by request, or perhaps is material that needs some well deserved attention. This release i wanted to check out after being absorbed in the latest Sirona compilation. A few words about that compilation: Wow Wow Wow  & Wow! the first Wow because Sirona Records (the home of quality free music of basically any kind..) celebrates its 500th release!!
That is truly a milestone!
 not only a great place to experience new music for free, but Sirona also got a great community feel to it.
thanks to the never ending realm of pure enthusiasm and his love for music, Arnaud Barbe (aka Pollux) really created something extraordinary special! And yet every time i think something cannot get any better, the label comes up with something that will blow your mind! It has had gigantic compilations, made hi fi artists suddenly encode in lobit rates and now with its latest compilation created a unstoppable orgy of pure awesomeness!
Siro500 is more than 7 hour of excellent video-clips of high quality music madness! i mentioned it somewhere but i will repeat my words again.. this release is probably the most amazing thing ever uploaded and findable on!
the quality of the creative output of people who share their great art for free is so extremely high!
And i am not sure if i will  be able to review this ever as i can only say Wow Wow Wow & Wow from amazement.  (with my mouth open wide) anyway you have to see (and hear it) to believe it so if you are not yet aware of this happening in netlabel land, take a peek over here;

anyway to cut to my point, this release made me discover so much amazing things. and in between this wicked mix of video”s i got simply highly entertained by a video (and most of all its music) by someone called: (guess?) Johan Ess…
his video-clip was electronic bizarre absurd poppy sarcastic melodic strange and totally excellent!
the music was cookoo and even though bonkers and funny it was above all just very good!
if that music track of Johan Ess was a cup of tea, i would drink it all the time! (and urinate lots too probably)
anyway i wanted to hear more of this artist as it somehow grabbed my attention.. so lucky you and lucky me: we are here to go through Johan Ess his album Vltrahex…
i hope its the same Johan Ess as from the video and i didn’t just praised someone else his work and got it all mixed up, but we will find it out quick enough probably..


the first track is called ” Sir Meowington” so with a title like that i think i found the right person..
lets play it and see what happens!
oh yes! yes! you know when hipsters say something is Sick? well fuck the hipsters but this is Sick Sick Sick good stuff! crazy as fuck! what is going on?! this is the insanest coolest maddest craziest intelligent absurdity idiotic womptastic electric dance metal poptastic bubblegum freakyness of mental-tastic greatness of furry friendly alternative uh Johan Ess-ness!
This is absolutely mad stuff that makes you wanna scratch your eyeballs from happiness that you finally have discovered something so insane and so well done that it makes all perfectly sense! After the last meaw meow of this track i am (as you may have noticed) in completely enthusiastic form of extase!
this is Sick man! i wish i had hipster  friends so i could spin this to them and see their faces! it makes me dance, it makes me laugh, it makes me smile, it makes me cry, it makes me feel like eating a pancake with peanut butter! i cant put my finger on it, lots of variation (there is non stop something going on..) and all seems to be in perfect harmony.
the occult celebrity is the next track that I’m gonna praise into heaven! its weird alternative great intelligent clown cool horse-pop electronic freaky shit that in all its insanity makes you dance! the lyrics and Johan Ess his voice is like a mad proffesor on steroids that goes ape shit in pure eccentric brilliantness! you really really REALLY have to HEAR this album! i swear!! its fucking great shit!
the third track is Spastick Witchcraft (featuring Gianna Love)  and is still insane but of a different kind. this tune is totally gay in every aspect. spastic faggot madness is ruling the scepter over here and this track is even though its funky and will probably do great in a alternative gay club, it doesn’t do “it” for me so much as the previous brilliant mad tracks.. But i understand that not everyone is insane as hell and that Johan Ess ( a obviously sane and sensible human being) wants to make more people happy and gay with this successful crowd pleaser. it reminds me abit of ( i don’t know it, do you know it? ) The scissor sisters inviting you for a kiki party.. good, but i like the freaky stuff so much more as its completely unique and brilliant! it excites me!  freaks me up! makes me wanna dance with a face of chocolate cream, but this track doesn’t do anything to me.. anyway lets skip!
Young Life (KroyClub Remix) is the next tune and this is niiiiice! even though a stable asskicking dance tune it still is Sick as Fuck! buttkicking wicked bass sounds that would have done nice in a dubstep kind of shit, but does amazingly great in this Dance track of mad proportions! Really excellent breaks and rough madness that makes you wanna dance around naked with your ding dong out for all to see!
good shit!
the last tune  is also something for on the dance floor. its very gay too and i bet he sings something different but i hear something like “do you like my testicle?” . this track reminds me very much of the tune from the movie Party Monster where the kid from home alone plays next to Seth green a party pusher and party kid with lots of dressing up and always high on drugs. This track from Johan Ess is actually more sophisticated and feels like one big giant dance mix for in the club. I imagine a underground gay club with a smashing good soundsystem and lots of sperm on the ceiling! to my surprise its a remix of the “Occult Celebrity” track which sound to me like a complete different thing.. but that is perhaps also the whole point of a remix of course..
the end.
My conclusion of this release is abit weird perhaps.. i mean its very good stuff.. the first two tracks really are of a higher kind (to my opinion) than the rest of the tracks. Its like one artist who have two different lives. One is a complete mad genius that manages to create pop music in a complete mental insane way that is of a highly intelligent kind. really love how the madness makes sense and never makes any mistakes in its music. nothing is just random in these kind of tracks, it sound like its well thought of and brilliant brick work!
the other part on this release is crowd pleasing alternative gay dance music that is also good and of a great quality, but did not gave me the eargasm the first tracks gave me.. But its cool! i mean Johan Ess already proofed himself that he is a music producer of a brilliant kind and i bet with a mind like his, he created every track (and in this order) with pure intentions. Showing how brilliant and mad his music really is with the first two tracks and than ticking on the psyched club owners shoulder with “hey, i can also do this kind of music..”
a great EP to get Johan Ess gigs i bet! and he should have lots of them as he can make the dance floor crack with all its might! sexy tunes for hot and sweaty clubs is totally not a bad thing to strive for! the groupies, the free drinks and other stuff makes me wanna say: big up for Johan Ess! you fucking rule!!


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