artist: Dentist John & Flat Affect
title: Professional Fieldrecorders At Work
format: floppy disk
label: SPTOtfSP http://www.sprecordings.com/sptotfsp.html
reviewer: AUDIO HATER
A bad day to all the fuckers reading this. I am Audio Hater. Next to hating audio, i also hate your guts and life in general. What i hate even more is music, what a arrogant sub label of audio that is. Death to the human scum that walks the earth and hang the bastards that tends to call themselves musicians. They are the worst kind of garbage and perhaps family of the cockroach as they are bloody everywhere!
I hate writing and especially hate cunts who read this shit. This website sucks more than the lame ass title suggest and seriously can’t understand what the hell you are doing here? Reviews? What is that for bullshit, can’t you make your own opinion about the crap you torture your ears with? Reading about a disgusting thing that is music? Are you having a laugh? If you have so much time on your hands, why don’t you just jump in front of a train? at least you are doing something useful with your life.
For the people who didn’t follow my advice of killing yourself, i will tell you what the hell i am doing here. Basically i am fucking broke and took this reviewing job to make some quick cash on the side. Trust me i hate money, reviewing and music, but i hate being broke too. It sucks harder than Britney spears sucking on a donkey’s dick.
(Don’t you just hate the ugly visual that just popped in your peanut brain?)
I was informed from the fat looking bastard that signs my paycheck that the cunts who write on “Yeah i know it sucks” are highly biased and basically avoided writing about releases they couldn’t stand.
This is where I (Audio Hater) come in as I am possibly the most unbiased person on this horrible planet; i speak the awful truth and don’t care what anyone thinks of it.
All music is shit, no exceptions!
And whatever gets passed on my desk, i will bash it and trash it straight back in the asshole that created the shit!
Don’t waste your time feeling sorry for yourself as i destroy your master piece. Your master piece is a carton bag with puke! I am honest, sincere and absolutely hating you and where you stand for. Rot in Hell and don’t send me a bloody postcard!
So know that I introduced myself, i hope you will not enjoy the review i am about to piss out.
My first victim is a turd by Flat Affect and a dentist called John.
I received this crap on a floppy disk and really didn’t know what to do with it. I kind of liked that it was packed in a picture of a koala in sexy lingerie but that was basically the only thing that was good about it.
Well actually that’s not entirely the truth as I had also a bit of fun Frisbee-ing this worthless diskette in the small jail that I call my office.
Finally after month of letting it dust away in a corner of the floor i brought it home to my only friend Dicky Assholeson. He is not really my friend as we hate each other more than having a hot stream of spicy diarrhea coming out of my bunghole. But because he is a fairly negative kind of twat, we get along. Anyway i brought this piece of junk too Dicky as he got a prehistoric device that is called “a computer”. It had a hole to push the diskette in and after a few minutes I could hear crap coming out of the device. It was unusual as normally i feel or see crap coming out of me but this time it was pure shit in audio form. I can’t complain really as at least this utter waste of space was at least not Music. As that would even be more horrid for my dying ears. This nonsense contains professionally recorded fieldrecordings which basically means that it contains mindless audio trash that is simply dreadful to hear. Two of these noisy tracks are recorded by Flat Affect and one shitty recording of a clock by the retarded natter called Dentist John.
What is this all about John? Is this the clock ticking away in your empty practice? You got nothing better to do than recording a telephone with a potato? And this is for sale? Simply stunning and painful how the human race has gone downhill. Unbelievable what a disaster this is. Lucky for us that it’s the end of the world as after all this torture and abuse of my ears I look forward to the end of all this abnormal stupidity that is called life.
That is what I call positive thinking and more people should appreciate my honest sincerity by doing so.
You can’t blame me for doing my job well and speaking out the truth. And I will not blame these two idiots for putting this out and about. They were probably in it for the money!
And if you look at the portrait of these two on the cover you can’t really blame them. Damn what happened to Flat Affect’s face? it seems like the guy is rotting away and definitely can use the money to do buy a bag to keep his head under. Dentist John looks like a dentist with rotten teeth which ( of course) never should be trusted. I doubt for these two low life’s that this floppy diskette will gather them a small fortune, but seriously I wish them well as their brains will probably look worse than their facial looks. I seriously wish them well and because I am so nice and full of wisdom, here is a special word of advice for when you guys do a follow up; put a pair of tits on the cover instead of your own rotting puss infected ugly mug shots. Trust me you will make enough money to buy a carton box to hide under.
After my visit to my so called friend i visited the website of this label that dare to publish this piece of unholy bullshit. SPTOtfSP?! Yes people SPTOtfSP can you believe it? Even the name sounds like a secret ingredient of toothpaste. Is the dentist responsable for this? After a bit of more digging around i found out that it is not Dentist John behind this facade but the most laziest and useless creature in the world; a smelly Koala… really.. Speechless, I am totally speechless! This of course explains the sexy koala hottie this crap was packed in! Talking about that where is it? I bet i left it at Dicky Assholson who is probably soaking it with his own dick snot as we speak.
Anyway before this review is getting to visually depressing I wanted to also share some good news with you. Dear readers… I found out that all the releases are next to being available in floppy disk also there to grab as a free download! what the hell if i had known this before I wouldn’t have had to go out and visit that idiot called mister Assholeson! geezzz!
But ah yes the good news was that at this moment the option to download all these releases are not working! They are simply dead links! Isn’t that marvelous news?! I am feeling blessed and feel very happy with the knowledge that only the incredible stupid twats will hear this smudge. As they are stupid enough to get this on a floppy diskette.
So yeah what can I say about this release as a final note? Well good things first: there is no music!
There is a sexy koala in underwear!
It works great as a Frisbee!
Or you can use it to put your cups on so you don’t damage your table.
And the negative one?
Well I think the most annoying thing is that you have to visit Dicky Assholeson (or some other smelly character with a floppy disk drive ) to be able to bloody hear it!
if you wane spend some coins on these two wankers so they can fix their faces, be my guest!
i rather spend it on a toothless hooker!
Please do not say that you got this link from me:
Have a bad day!