Keywords: Rock, Erotic, Experimental, Pop
Reviewers: KN, Alex Spalding
Alex: Oh boy, oh gosh, oh gee! ;A; We here at YIKIS are simply gushing with infinite love for the now-pretty-well-known internet artist phenomenon extraordinaire who calls himself Tonetta! This review is super-special… because it isn’t going to simply be us yacking our jacks off about Tonetta’s Bandcamp album Dominate. No, such an amazing artist demands so much more attention than that… that said, here’s a layout of the wild events planned:
1) The introduction, above.
2) This brief itinerary type thing.
3) Alex calls Tonetta on the phone!
4) A love letter to Tonetta by KN, so sweet.
5) KN and Alex review Dominate
6) KN and Alex talk about their favourite Tonetta videos!
7) A link to where you, the reader, can help donate money to pay Tonetta’s rent so he can continue making music, if you would wish to do so. 😉
8) It’s a surprise! (Actually, it’s just the closing lines of dialogue with a link at the bottom of the page, but don’t tell anyone!)
… ok, so the next order of business… I am about to call Tonetta! Brace yourselves…
*Check Call Restrictions – 56*
… WTF, damn it Tracfone!!! Do you want to give it a try, KN?
KN: Really wish I could, but i have a can and a tiny rope attached to another can as a telephone, and even if i could extend it, I guess from Thailand to Canada would be a huge operation unfortunately.. 😦
Alex: I know, yeah, it sucks. I’m sure your tin can gets better reception than my cheap shitty phone! Anyway… here’s a really sweet letter to Tonetta!
I remember what a happy moment it was when discovering your music and video’s back in the early days. It made me feel very special, like suddenly there was something on youtube that was worth to spend time with. It was like digging in a mine for many years and finally finding a source of multiple golden nuggets!
The self expressions in the videos, the trade mark dance movements and the personal performances where outrageously refreshing and unique! I remember sharing these precious findings to loved ones & other friends. The joy of someone openly expressing the art that comes from within, so pure, so raunchy, so sexy, so open, so Tonetta.. A true inspiration!
The horror and the shock that came when the mine of youtube had blocked the entrance and got rid of your video channel was unbelievable! The moment that you realize that something so good and so sincere get banned for all the wrong reasons, that till this day still is a mystery to me.. How come video’s of Beyonce, gaga and other creatures pounding around in their underwear are perfectly fine, but the beautiful open minded funkiness of the songs and original dance performances of a unique individual where flagged, banned and removed?
It was a devastating moment of realization to me that the world isn’t free from dictatorship goons filtering the web but my heart got warmed up when seeing other youtube users re-uploading the lost Tonetta video’s and finally seeing your own video stream back up on the world wide web. The fan base grew and grew and so is the amount of brilliantly done music video’s are spreading good vibes and pleasure throughout the entire planet. Your enormous amount of creative lyrics just seem to have something for everybody!
I’m glad you are here and totally love what you did, do and what you will hopefully continue in the many years to come! Thank you for making me have faith again in humanity and the creativity that comes with it, and above all thank you for all these great hours of entertainment and funky music!
with lots of love from a shy fan-boy,
Alex: Ok, now that we’re all hot and steamy, let’s talk about the album! It was pretty amazing finding this rare golden treasure on Bandcamp.
KN: Tonetta is on this album forcefully liberating the sexual boundaries, going where no man has ever gone before or has even had the guts to think of. Tonetta ticks of the boxes and penetrates everything that comes his way with delicious guitar works, some dirty sounding trademark claps in the funky rhythm and arousing lyrics. I always love to imagine the actual claps in the rhythm being made by Tonette giving his nine inch cock a funky slapping.
Track 1: Dominate
KN: Being dominated by the sexy YouTube legend is one of these personal dreams that might never see the light of day, but you never know of course maybe one day I stumble on a bag of gold and follow the sexual aroma all the way to the temple of erotica, the home studio of Tonetta for a good shag. Of course there will be a queue of woman, men, girls and boys, transsexuals, homo’s, lesbo’s l, transsexuals, granddad’s, grandma’s and possibly some other wild animals waiting there in line. The legendary cock that never fails to take whatever it fucks has not only provided many heroic songs of its owner, but also converted many who claim to be asexual! The kind hearted swinging gentleman doesn’t discriminate against any minority who is willing to be dominated by his magical hot magic pleasure organ. Once you go black, you never go back? Wait until you meet Tonetta!
Alex: It’s got this sort of dirty disco funk sound that’s just on it! The lyrics, as is always the case with Tonetta’s tunes, are just absolutely fucking brilliant. The throaty vocals and lyrics make you feel like you just stepped into a sweaty NY leather club full of bears. It’s like beardly fellatio in an unmarked bathroom.
Track 2 : Doin a Dyke
KN: Something’s are just dreams in the mind and sometimes moments in time arrive that actual absurd sexual intercourses happen. One moment you are watching football with your best lesbian mate and the next moment you are lending your willy for an internal massage.. Well actually it seems rather unlikely, but with Tonetta everything is possible! Lust and sex is unstoppable and lives in general a life on its own and when your body is in need for some sexual activity, than you might go for something you not normally are attracted too. Chewing on some man boobs for a change could be liberating perhaps?
Alex: Could be! Hahaha… again, I’m just in awe with how dirty and stomping this groove is, which works so well with the gruff voice of the sensual wizard Tonetta. Deep, thrusting disco dick. But it really transcends even that. It’s scary how catching this is! I think it breaks all the walls down, as well as all the taboos.
KN: Alex I can’t hear you, I’m getting fisted by an elephant at the moment and there is squirrel cum dripping out of my ears!
Alex: Aaow!!! Let’s not review any more albums at the zoo from now on!
Track 3 : The Big Bang
Alex: Tonetta really won me over right at the start of this track, with it’s post-punk electro sound! Nothing short of a climax, you’ll be covered in white by the end.
KN: It’s the end of the world, everywhere snowstorms, a global ice age and the hours of survival are ticking off. What you are going to do? Try to find the secret escape vessel and team up with the global elite like that horrid movie? Die as a frozen Popsicle? or call Tonetta for a good fuck that will heath you up and for sure will keep you alive for at least the final collapse of the planet? Imagine if you and Tonetta would be the only ones hot enough to survive this apocalypse? You two (and the rest of the Tonetta fan club who manages to seek shelter in his crib) will have a fantastic great sexlife for the rest of your life time! Just call him up like Alex Spalding did and hope he answers the phone with his legendary sexy voice and invite you over!
Alex: Yeah, I’m still sad that didn’t work out… I was even going to ask him if he had Battletoads. Or get scurred and hang up after breathing heavily for several minutes.
KN: I bet his stamina would be so huge that your telephone would squirt out pure Tonetta’s milk! So sad the telephone interview didn’t work out. 😦
Dear Tonetta, if you are reading this, please do contact us if there is a way we could interview you.. It will be another amazing dream come true!
Alex: Our dirty phone talk phantasy, haha!
Track 4 : Seduction
KN: You know Tonetta makes being bisexual in a exceptional positive thing, even though he loves the lady’s and is a nine inch men, he certainly knows how to suck on a tasty sausage. Yet again, don’t be afraid just call him! Yeah I Know It Sucks, but it sucks so well!
Alex: Oh! Love the sound on this one, with it’s tinky synth tones and disco groove! More post-punk vibes all over it, along with Tonetta’s growling and breathing and raw sexuality. Tonetta’s on call, so you better give him a ring! I will too, if I ever get a phone that isn’t a piece of shit.
KN: maybe you can give him a cockring.
Track 5 : Outer Glory
KN: The last track has a really positive vibe with Tonetta’s voice being extremely loveable. He highlights that everything is natural and that we are all basically the same. The almighty created us in his own image, which makes me believe that we are also a little bit of Tonetta, and he is a bit of us. Isn’t that a wonderful feeling?
Alex: It certainly is! ‘Outer Glory’ definitely has a brighter sound, it’s almost like road trip music at the beginning, haha! This makes me want to equip a Cadillac with rocket boosters and take a trip to outer space, maybe fly around the rings of Saturn — but not too close, I don’t want any dings. On my fictional Cadillac.
The next thing I’d like to do is post a link to what is probably my favourite Tonetta video, as it’s still got some of what I consider to be his best lyrics, funkiest grooves… plus it was my introduction to Tonetta…
G & B Showers
Do you have a favourite Tonetta video, KN?
KN: I have and you just posted it. G & B Showers was also the first video encounter that I had with the work of Tonetta. The rhythm and the simple but unforgettable videoclip really impressed me. The joy that sparkle in Tonetta’s eyes when doing this song is something that really pops out from the screen. It is so dirty, that is is almost reaching innocence again!
I wanted to post 2 links from a interview with Tonetta and the Canadian Romantic here,
just because after viewing it I really felt like some kind of relieved, as the icon is simply transforming into a identifiable and lovable human being. Just watch this and you know that Tony loves Tonetta (even admits to jerk of to his own video’s) and probably that is the magical sparkle why we all seem to fall in love for his incredible output.. He makes it for his own joy and expression and than works hard to put the music and video’s out there to tickle the crazy youtube office employee’s who are still closing his acount for whatever stupid reason they can come up with, only making the legend go stronger and larger. Tonetta’s legacy cannot be stopped and youtube should be proud to have such a creative source of expression on its services! Ah, before I forget here are the two video’s:
Alex: Oh, and as promised as well, I felt we should give you a link that will help you to help the amazing Tonetta keep his rent and utilities paid so that he can freely continue making art… plus, it looks like you can receive some cool stuff for doing so!
KN: Oh yes, please do click on that link and check it out. He is even selling the famous art pictures that are featured on his wall in many of his legendary video’s. If you have some penny’s (or bathtubs full of gold) to spare, you should definiately donate some to this artist. Perhaps he will even write a special song for you, and perhaps a video! This genius deserves not to worry about the rent and focus on his art… and hey that counts for all of us!
Alex: Yeah, honestly all artists should be able to live and make art without worries like food, rent or other usuries, but in the meantime, it’s nice that Tonetta’s got something set up in the hope of making that dream an attainable reality.
KN: Tonetta, lady’s and gentle man, girls and perhaps little boys! A true legend delivers with ‘Dominate’ a pure masterpiece of a grooving record! You should definitely click on that link and get this release! It will make your hormones boil and your nipples hard!
Alex: I couldn’t agree more with you, KN! This is some of Tonetta’s best stuff. Pick up the record, become a patron of Tonetta’s art, enjoy the vids… Tonetta is an artistic genius of the highest order and it’s been a great pleasure talking about his work!