Artists: Doomettes / Joel Nobody
Title: With A Flashlight ‘Neath My Chin
Keywords: Doom Pop, Guitar Improvisation, Ambient, Noise
Reviewer: Alex Spalding
Too HOT for TV! This is YIKIS-Gone-Wild, the review they didn’t want you to see!
It’s got girls in bikinis! It’s got “fowl” language, raunchy humour! It’s got bros with bro voices telling you how CRAZY it is, bro! It’s got all-natural cures you’re not gonna believe, all for just a little over ₫9,000 + shipping and “handling”… but wait, there’s more!..
… wait… is there more?..
… YES! We’ve got ‘Be Tide Be’ by Doomettes! It slices, it dices, it helps you drop over 50 lbs in just under 20 minutes and 28 seconds! It… also just takes a second or so to come on, with some clicking noises… “OOOHHHOOOO”… then just one, two, and presto!… we’ve got some distorted guitar amp fuzz noise, bit of sizzling in the treble, a tidal wave of guitarnoise, 100 hits of 2013 all collected in this one little package. You’ll hear a bit of synth bass burping along with the vocal stylings of RTF — accept no imitations! There’s a bit of muted guitar, but don’t turn that dial or be flipping around with your remote because we’ll be back to drone guitar and bass combo distortion with a really pretty ending featuring a twist of acoustic guitar after just a brief word from our sponsors…
… call right now and talk to hot local singles in your area, like Joel Nobody with his ‘Tales From Shinbone Alley’, an ambient series of guitar acoustics and breathy spring reverb vocals. You’ve just got 19 minutes and 38 seconds left to order this limited-time-only commemorative placard of sound with Joel Nobody’s voice on it! Hello? Caller?..
“Oh yes my name’s Beth-Ann, I was just calling to tell you I love you and I watch you on here every day and that I ordered ten of these last week and buy them every year they’re just so special and I give them to my daughter-in-law’s husband’s wife for their anniversary and they just love ’em and so do my cats and I’m about to order five more and…”
— sorry to have to cut you off there, but we appreciate your purchase, and to the rest of you still not sure whether to pick up the phone, let me just tell you that our operators are standing by and you can hear the strange echoing guitar and breathy sounds behind us here… very psychedelic, very trippy arrangements happening. Someone seems to be scraping a guitar string, there’s a sucking spaceship vortex that just opened up someplace in the studio, very weird. Tired of not being able to sleep at night or stay awake during the day? Try this album today and join the thousands of others who’ve committed to purchasing a… *boom* what was that, I heard a loud click, now there’s a bit of chattering… must be all the people talking about how great this album is and how it’s changed their lives! I’m hearing some lasers… if you want to get the closest shave possible… or learn how to make festive decoupages with cats…
… just click on the link at the bottom of your screen today! But hurry… supplies are limited: