Gifgrond – Oh No

giffffVenue: Gifgrond
cat: #35
city: Tillywood
title: Oh No
date: 5 october, 2013

Today inside this review it is going to be a little bit different than what the dear readers of Yeah I Know It Sucks are familiar with. This review is not so much about an album, EP, single, compilation or another word that you normally come across in these endless mumblings that appear on this blog. This time I thought to take us all out for a walk, a little travel-adventure to sniff some fresh air before arriving at the secret location where this review is all about. Pick on your space costume and hold hands as we all get magically beamed up by someone called Scotty.

Hold on tight, close your eyes and feel how our molecules are being vaporized and mixed into thin air, isn’t it a feeling of pure relief? Here we flow through the ether with a rapid speed only to be assembled back somewhere on a busy moment in a train station.

Are we all intact? Our molecules not mixed up? Everyone still got their legs, arms and their sexual organs? Fine!
Be careful not to get trampled by the other wild walking train travelers in this station, they all seem to be in a unreasonable hurry to places that are not of our interest. Can you hear the loudspeakers squeak out that horrible grungy language? It’s Dutch, the official speaking language of this place. I’m not totally sure what they are announcing but probably a lot of train delays. But do not worry, we are not here to wait for a train. Just stay close and follow me! Don’t bump into anyone and just walk zigzagging our way out to the exit.

Fresh air lady’s and gentle people! Sniff it and inhale it before it is extinct! Ah but wait, that’s not a fresh smell? That is the intensive smell of never changed oil, of precut potato’s being fried and hmm other typical dutch snackbar food! If I remember it well my friendly travelers is that this is a pretty good sign that we are at the right place!

See the outside walls on the right completely covered with posters from events? And yes, there, a little bit further on the right is the dodgy smelling snackbar! This is what you will see and smell when entering this wonderful place called Tillywood!
On the map they dumbed it down as ‘Tilburg’ for copyright reasons, but this is for sure the legendary place Tillywood!

Ah, group.. wait a second a car is passing by…
On the surface there is activity going on, the posters direct people to a local pop-temple and the smell to the fried dutch delicatessen. There is also a famous record-shop ran by a bearded deejay DMDN who is also an affiliated guest at the place we are heading. It’s called ‘Antenna‘ and is for sure one of these must visit places in Tillywood!  To be honest, I do not know Tillywood at all, so for your own safety we will not explore the mainstream but will walk directly to our secret and remotely hidden destination. Stay close and follow me! (if you’d like..)

Ah, see on the right the source of the stench! You see this is the typical station snackbar. They have a wall where you can throw in coins just like  a gambling machine but with the big difference that you will always win the fast-food that is on the other way of the window. For the non believers you might want to walk in and check this Dutch phenomenon with your own eyes, hands and if you dare; your own mouth! I do not have any euro coins but perhaps someone else of you can share some with the international fellow travelers?

May I recommend the Dutch Kroket? I’m not sure if they have the Sathe Kroket but that one is dangerously delicious. I’ve been addicted to that delicatessen a large part of my life so I better stay a few steps backwards from this place if you don’t mind. Oh and try the ‘frikandel’ with ketchup and unions!
Shit, shit can someone spare me some little coins to throw into these machines? The water-flow in my mouth is dropping like an incontinent old  lady! Wraahh!

Okay dear group, we really have to move along now. I know you get a fast-food kick from these new explorations for the mouth but seriously, pull yourself together as we really have to walk a little bit further. Don’t worry even though I’m not a Tillywood inhabitant, I know the way to this place that we are going very well. Let’s hold hands and drag each-other out of the oily fog of the snackbar. We can do it! One, Two, Three! Yes! Everyone still complete? Oke, stay close and lets go!

Here we move around the corner and follow this residential street. Isn’t it interesting how there are actually inhabitants living inside these houses that stand side by side? Look at the brickwork, it’s the typical classical architecture of Tillywood! We are almost there dear people, just a few unexpected steps down this road.

Friends and dearest reading travelers; you see this large door hiding a small alley? Behind  it is the place that this unexpected and unpaid tour was aiming for. But before we can enter we should all take health precautions.  Don’t worry you will be fine if you just follow the safety instructions. You see this giant backpack that I was wearing the whole time? No? Well you might want to check your eyeballs if you have the chance one of these days.. But it’s packed with the things we need! Here, grab a white protective overall suit and slip it on over your normal clothes.. No, no need to undress!
Make sure it’s all zipped up and secure.
last but not least we have to wear protective gasmasks, they are kindly adapted with mouthpieces that you can open and close, so drinking, smoking, eating and even puking will be no problem while wearing these nifty and good looking protective face masks.

Is everyone set? How are you feeling? A little bit like a family of asthmatic Chernobyl residents? Aliens? Doctors? A social bomb-squat of party poopers?
Whatever you feel, I hope you feel excited too because finally we may proceed through this magical door, through the small alley to the place that we have all been so curious about! Oh No! No, oh yes!

This used to be a Metal workshop, (you know a place where metal-bands came together to work out, do their hair and make-up and strangled multiple guitars), but now this place has turned into a hazardous little known and unknown secret that is build on the poisoned grounds that these metal dudes and dudettes  have left behind.
You must know that urine of real hardcore metal people is extremely dangerous for the environment!
So that explains a bit the fancy protective clothes and gas-masks ,  besides it is looking pretty cool as a group don’t you agree? No? Well screw you! Let us knock on the new door that doomed up in front of us..

<knock, knock, knocking on heavens door>

‘Ah, welcome, welcome!  Welcome at Gifgrond! Oh No!
Entrée! Kom in! ‘
two fanatic friendly gifgirls are giving us a warm and friendly welcome as well as they kindly rush and push the whole traveling group in! The door quickly closes behind us and before our eyes can adapt to the lights inside, the gifgirls are shaking everyone’s hand enthusiastically, tapping everyone on the shoulder and congratulate everyone’s costume and adapted face-mask.

a few colorful insects jump between my legs, but the enthusiastic warm welcome of these two gifgirls is so intense, the bugs hardly make an impression.

‘How are you? where are you from? Was it easy to find this place? What a great idea to come in these protective  hazard-suits and how inventive to have a large hole in those gas-masks of you! Fancy a poisonous drink? There are some toxic nibbles in the corner over there and you can order liquid deathly cocktails over here at the gifbar. ‘

Before knowing it the whole group of fancy dressed up Yeah I Know It Sucks readers is holding a dangerous looking cocktail aka ‘gifmix’ in their hands, and even though there is a slight fear about drinking this dangerous looking drink, the liquid soon drops down and disappears in our absorption system.
When the gifgirls are sure that the newly arrived alien guests are at ease, they will check up on the other creatures that roam around this place.

People, this is something special’ I whisper loudly to get my voice heard above the loud and strange music that is being bounced from the walls of the room. Welcome at ‘Gifgrond’!
The best hidden secret underground stage that every tasty and self-respected underground inhabitant of Tillywood and probably the entire planet earth has been wanting to find!

It’s like the holy grail of Poisson! It’s intimate, homely and seriously will fuck every visitor up with great never seen exclusive alternative electronic life sound explorations, weird perversions, experimental mentalists and rocking art trash with a delicate taste and anti-style! If we didn’t have hanged around in that snack-bar we could have walked here from Tillywood station in exactly five minutes!
And yet it is the best hidden secret that slowly expands its crowd with the regular freaks, neighbors and international fancy weirdo supporters. that’s not enough! Oh No!

12All the moaning pop-temples around the Netherlands would be green of jealousy if they would find out that this place gets the best of the top notch secret sound-projects, being the only one that dares to bring a diverse group of daring music makers and other homeless acid induced anti hero’s to the floor.
The gifgirls you just met have their ears and eyes wide open in search for raw, the new, the wicked and the never heard before! They search and research for fitting acts, interesting stuff that produce their own worlds with a passion and dedication that no subsidized pop-temple is daring (or not even knowing its existence of) to go for! Gifgrond delivers acts that are mostly  like raw diamonds, living half on the edge, self organized and just as passionate as the twisted dedicated tastes of the gifgirls themselves!

‘Oh No!’ am I talking to much? Too loud? Too boring?’
I’m just so excited that I just can’t hide it! This and the fact that the Poisson is kicking in is making me feel really talkative.. It’s as if my mouth is talking for the sake of talking, to get words out before collapsing from the toxic waste that you are drinking! The alcoholic poisoning might be even a excuse for my expression of the mind! But damn people, it does taste good, right? Do you feel the music shining through your stomach? Or is it the gifmix drinks burning a hole in my liver? Talking about poisoned drinks! Someone fancy another one, or two or three? Right! Let’s fine taste and let our tongues collectively review these poisoned gifmix drinks together, after all this is an review blog, right?

It’s getting busier in here, Stay close my friends. In case you are tumbling over, at least we can lean onto each-other. Are your eyes already a little bit settled to the highly intoxicating colors that this place is rich off? Ah, you’ve seen that video projected on the wall? It’s perfect to engage spastic attacks! But .. shit.. Whats up with all these neon colored insects that are buzzing from time to time close to my head? Did you see them too? Or is it just a reaction of the toxic waste that is ruining the left over from what used to be my liver

Oh No! I know you want to fly and hop around but I need you! Really! I hope you don’t mind but I feel the urge to talk more! This place, Gifgrond, is the ultimate refined stage that brings a collection of stuff that is ultimately
Good for spastic dancing, being flabbergasted by experimental mindfucks, rocked by robocops jamming on guitars, chilled out on sunday afternoons with a mix of never heard before sounds in combination with a excellent perfume of pure toxic friendliness!

Oh No! I do not know where these drinks are coming from, but every hand is holding two glowing cocktails each. I’m even balancing one on the top of my feet! Are you people all alright? You want to explore? Oh please, just listen a little bit more to my words sucking up to the place that I love so much! I love gifgrond so much that I consider it home, how about that? Every time when a Gifgrond party (around every 6 – 8 weeks) is terrorizing this local neighborhood of Tillywood, I’ll make sure to get my feathered ass back home! It’s like Christmas, but than it’s unholy and actual fun! And damn, these drinks are good! Hey! damn, there is a dangerous looking purple fly sipping from my drink?! Oh well, it must be a hallucination, right?

Are you feeling it?Oh No? Than drink more!  My eyes feel like they want to pop out of my skull and bounce around the dance-floor for themselves! Oh no! Oh no! Are you feeling it?! Don’t believe the bugs, they aren’t there! Just Drink more and more my friends, drink more! Here are the cheapest cigarette’s I could find! I found the pack somewhere on the floor, so it’s a pack delivered by the gods! Smoke, smoke! Drink, drink! Enjoy the sound, the music.. But first of all please Let me talk shit, I really feel this intensive urge to chat! Oh No! Oh Yes!

The fact is that most organizers that rule the scepter of the pop-temples in the Netherlands are completely in the dark of the world of underground music and entertainment. Oh No They do not have the passion, the inside tips, the dare for adventure, the tastes for bringing a line up of unique acts made by real people, freaks, homeless music makers and persons that can only communicate through the sounds they produce. In other words; the interesting mind blowing shit! It makes Gifgrond a thorn in their eyes! infected with bugs and other insects or not!  Ah ain’t it great?! A thorn in pop-temples eyes!  I think next to getting slightly drunk and out of my mind, I also find myself slightly poetic, don’t you agree? But.. but.. let me talk some more!

And if these pop-temples do indeed do the daring deed of booking something that might be real and seemingly unpopular, they simply don’t know how to deal with it. Oh No! Making the twisted performer everything but at ease while they talk awkwardly about subsidized government fonds and the lack of it among other headache things, like how successful it was to book something as the Scissor Sisters. Oh No! The BeeGeez on steroids, packed in a camp and acceptable package! Oh No! Oh No! I need to drink more! Can i have a glass of insects please, I mean we need more glowing sparkling gifmix drinks over here!

Ah, the glasses that I just emptied are filled up again?! How is this possible? We are not here to ask questions! Am I talking to myself again? Is the group still complete? Can you actually hear me above the loud noise that is vibrating the rather large speakers? Is everyone still here?! I just feel the rush to Rick Ashley! (lick assly!).

Oh No! I feel another urge! But first; another round of liquid pleasure and poisoning the lungs with the found cigarette buds from the floor! huff and puff before another stream of blabla comes out! brace yourself, please I’m on the excessive chatting session! I will show you all around in a bit, I’ll promise you!

Just some little more words of locked away frustration that has to come out through the mouth about pop-temples that aren’t Gifgrond! Artist wise the experience of Gifgrond is so delightfully homely, it’s a place that makes you feel free, accepted, fine and comfortable. The Gifgirls are the perfect hosts and organizers that touch everything with the touch of toxic! Making the performing acts come out of their shelves, doing their thing as if they are performing privately under their own shower. The total opposite of what happens in other less passionate locations.

There the underground performance is doomed because the Booker is laughing hysterically, the sound-engineer is acting like a c*nt because of fear of the mental outburst of sounds blowing up the venue speakers and the lights go out and the show get abruptly cancelled if you manage to light up a cigarette, because that’s really not done! Anyone fancy another free smokable ziggy? Rock and roll is dead, techno punk and mental illness are out! Only clean cut and shaven acts are welcome.. unless you are lady gaga of course.. Talking about Gaga, If you need to make a shit or lose some of the toxic waste swimming around in your bladder; that door over there hides the toilet!

Ha, I could have said it much more shorter. Gifgrond is great! All the other places can’t even come close to how epic and awesome Gifgrond is! Without Gifgrond, Tillywood would just be Tilly. As Gifgrond gives male visitors Wood!

Oh No! I think I said it all! It’s amazing how I’m still talking sensibly ( am I?) and standing on my feet! How is the rest of you doing? Bored of your tour guide? Hello? Ah, you are all queuing up for the toilet? Yes, it’s a single seat I’m afraid… Ah, the door opens and uh a insect fly’s out of it.. oh well it’s better that the bug uses the toilet than shitting on your heads, right? One of you can go in at the time, for the rest of you toilet waiters, let me just explain my headless chicken ramblings…

It’s just.. its.. Passion! I’m passionate about this place! As this place is not only ruled and oiled by toxic, it’s above all ruled by passion! You can feel it right?! Passion! The walls are dripping of it! It’s passion that is a secret ingredient in these unhealthy drinks! It’s passion that brought us here! Passion, passion! Music is our passion! This remind me of these two  robots rocking out on Gifgrond, they where passionate! Fuck yeah, passionate robots! where else can you hear and see those?!

Oh people, hurry up! I think the last glass of Poisson wants to come out through my noise holes! oh, shit! Oh No! Oh Oh No No! Shit! too late!

Oh No ah sorry for that little panic attack, it was just another damned insect who mistakenly had flown into my nose. Tss what is with all these bugs anyway? I’ve never encountered them here! It maybe a poisoned place but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be hygienic! You see these visuals? they are the work from Floris Vanhoof! The greatest multimedia underground phenomena from Belgium! Look and see that stuff! but.. hey… people…

Hey!? Where are all of you?! What the hell?! Don’t tell me that you’r all in the toilet, he? This really hurts my feelings as a host you know? I really wanted you all to show this magical place, a home of toxic, the festive sounds of alternative subculture  music, the great atmosphere! What the hell?!

Ah, you are still here? Oh thank you so much precious dear reader to go through this endless word flow of intoxicated and unstable nonsense.
This means the world to me! Want to share a drink? A cigar, a cigarette? a line of homo washing powder? Something stronger?

Hey, hey let me take you around! Let me be your private guide! Those other readers.. let them be stuck in that toilet, if they want to go back to the other reality; they can always flush themselves through the loo.
Or by using the teletransportal build in the shower.. Oh, I didn’t tell you! Yes, behind that door is next to a single toilet also a single shower! Perfect for being drunk and you cannot aim in the toilet seat!

Let’s go over here.. Are you okay? The Poisson is really kicking in quite brilliantly over here in the head department. Hope you are seeing those colorful insects too? aint they pretty? Ah, look this room here you can actually eat insects! Ha, I’ve should have known! Those funny gifgirls, always love to spin thematic tricks on the mind…

Hey, something is happening.. Let’s stumble back to the other room.. It’s busy, he? Or what the Dutch people call ‘gezellig druk’… The Deejay seems to have made some room for…
A Berlin bug loving insect collecting sound maniac and his Japanese composer friend! Oh No! Oh No!
Colorful insects are everywhere! On the floor, on my arms, crawling up my legs! I need to scratch, I need to puke, I need to eat more fried food!
The music is good right?

I’m really sorry my friend, there will be a chiptunes artist some later on! Or wait did he already performed? I do not know it anymore? I spotted my legs dancing? Everything is possible at this very moment! There is just too many of those bugs! There, there is even one on the poster!
I’ve heard this GwEm is very good! and with good i mean real good, but really I’m freaking out? I don’t know why nobody else is freaking out? I need to scratch my arms, Itchy everywhere? Damn and Oh No, Why are these bastards still blocking the toilet?! I’m sorry my friend, I can’t even see or hear you as my vision is blocked with those nasty insects!

I’m experiencing a panic attack, the place starts to spin my friend, Oh No! Quick close my gas-mask mouth piece! I’m going to leave you here okay? I got to go upstairs! You see this staircase next to the bug-infected stage and sound system?
You got to push me up there, my friend. My dear reader, please I’m urging you, I’m feeling so sick! I don’t know if it was the bug that I ate in that corner, or the fumes of cigarette, or the intoxication of that delicious looking Poisson?! But please dear reader, just give me a little push in the back..

Okay, my friend, really.. Thank you so much! I’m going through this wooden thing in the ceiling to the next floor.. You stay down stairs and enjoy the rest of the show, ok? You seem to be not intoxicated enough, perhaps you should drink more!

And don’t you worry about me, I’ll be fine! I was once a professional drunk! I see the gifgirls have prepared a mattress in the corner of my eye.. I will crash and sleep! Goodbye my friend and keep an eye on Gifgrond! Spread the word, bring other people over when there is a next party! Check the website for pictures! Say hi to the gifgirls! Sorry for being such a talkative party popper, I just need to crash.. Did you just transform into a bug? I’m crashing! Oh No! You don’t want to see me puke! Thanks for being a real friend and staying to the end! Oh No! BwA….RggHhh Goodbye!

p.s. come party at Gifgrond!! —->>>

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