Alex Spalding – Obelisk EP Two

artist: Alex Spalding
title: Obelisk EP Two
cat: Siro707
keywords: ambient, electro, other
label: Sirona-Records http://sirona-records.com/

In the year 50 BC in a province of Gaul, lays a little coastal village that has successfully kept the romans out of their streets. All villages around them have been conquered and occupied by the army of Julius Caesar and this untaken village is a thorn in their eyes.

The secret of their resistance is a powerful magical potion that the village nut cooks daily for the village protection. The potion gives everyone who drinks it, incredible strength!  Of course the village is rich of dubious characters, but two stand out of the crowd. They are the hero’s of the village and this little story.

Meet Alexterix and his friend Obelisk. Two prominent village fools that protects the village while regularly beating romans so hard that they fly out of their sandals! Alexterix is not very tall and his best friend (who happened to fall in the magical potion pot when he was a kid, which gave him permanent super powers) is not very thin. Alexterix also got a little dog called Aphix Twinix, with a human head attached to his asshole. But that was such a common sight for dogs around that time, that we just leave him out of the text. Anyway let the story begin…

Once upon a time the boredom had introduced itself into the village. As the place was surrounded by Romans and everyone seemed to be sick of all the cartoonish fighting, they had nowhere to go for entertainment than their own village center. The village chief Arnaudix Barberix was brought in on a large plate carried on the back of two young hamsters. ‘What can we do!?’ Everyday we drink the magical potion, get a little high, strong and beat the shit out of the romans that border the edges of our village. We always win and never play fair, it’s actually getting a bit boring don’t you think?’ The villagers that had gathered around Arnaudix  Barberix seem to agree as they nodded their heads. ‘We are bored out of our skull’ someone said.. ‘I can’t take it anymore, there must be more to life than doing dope and smacking some foreigners’ another one mumbled..

What’s the fuzz about?! Alexterix and his friend Obelisk waded through their fellow villagers.  ‘Are you bored?!’ Did you hear that Obelisk? They are bored! Alexterix jumped to the village chief and did a little salto in the air! ‘I know something! Let’s drink the magic potion and slap some Romans to the moon!’ The villagers around Alexterix and Obelisk sank in a instant deep depression and the chief broke the awkward silence.
‘Dear Alexterix & Obelisk .. I know you mean well.. Protecting our stronghold for such a long time, but we had it.. We are bored of it.. Bored of fighting and never losing.. tired of being super strong without trained muscles.. we just had it, you get me?’

Alexterix  didn’t get it at all, as beating the ‘shit’  out of these puppets of Caesar was not only fun, but also useful entertainment! Obelisk did not understand it too, he scratched his head in bewilderment.
‘So what we gonna do, Alexterix? We have always protected the village from these Romans but how can we protect it from this untouchable force of boredom?’ Obelisk pulled a sad face as he was suddenly bored too.  ‘Don’t worry folks!’ Alexterix said, I know exactly what to do! We gonna do a party!’.

Cheers from the crowd of villagers could be heard, cause everyone in the village loved to party! Until a blue vain smurf-like character noted that all the village party’s are always the same. Some idiot playing a violin, roasted pigs and silly hats! It was actually quite boring as every story always ended with such a party.

The crowd huffed and puffed and pulled up their saddest faces. It was true! Even their parties were infected with the boredom!

Alexterix? said Obelisk.
‘can I slap our fellow villagers back to their senses? Their depression really starts to get on my nerves’.
Alexterix was not very fond of violence against their own but gave a little nod to Obelisk to show that he understood how he felt.
Obelisk started to slap around and as no one had drank the village magical potion yet, they simply flew up without resistance out of their own sandals, falling back to the ground while tumbling over each other. Only the hamsters were untouched by the brutal fist of the friendly Obelisk.

Not very long later, it was probably all just a matter of seconds, the dusty clouds of violence disappeared, revealing the beaten up villagers on the ground searching for their sandals.

‘and? How are you feeling now? Alexterix asked.
The crowd mumbled something that they now were bored and painful.
Obelisk shrug his shoulders.
‘What a hopeless situation, what we gonna do, Alexterix? He said.

We gonna party’! Alexterix shouted over enthusiastically! A different kind of party! Not gastronomic and no immediate contact with a violin, not a political party, but a ELectro party!

The village people still in a state of physical pain opened up their eyes and ears. What’s that? An Electro party? Suddenly the boredom seemed to make way for something new!

Obelisk and me have prepared something while you all have been sleeping and doing your own thing.’ Alexterix said full enthusiasm!
We managed to connect with the future by tripping out on a wrong mix of magical village potion! Through my dog’s Aphix Twinix (I’m sorry to break the promise that the dog wouldn’t be included in this story) human head we managed to connect with someone related to me in the future! His name was Alex Spalding and he communicates through a system called Obelisk 2!

The villagers and also the narrator was losing the plot! What was Alexterix talking about? Aphix Twinix human head attached yo his ass managed to be some communication system to the future?

Stop!’ village chief Arnaud Barberix shouted in bewilderment.
I respect you dearly, but what is this nonsense? Are you poisoned by the Romans? Did the druid put again magic mushrooms in the magic village potion? what’s wrong with you Alexterix? I know we are bored, but now we are shocked!

No! No’ It’s real! Alexterix said. I know it sounds strange and unbelievable, but I can prove it! ‘
Obelisk, can you get the dog?
‘Sure thing’ Alexterix!’ Obelisk said as he  left the scene to pick up Aphix Twinix.

You know I even had to make contact with the future ‘you’s!’ It happens to be that we in the future are still a community, unbeaten by anyone but we have spreaded the globe! We are called the Sirona-Records community! And Arnaudix Barberix is still the chef of it all, although your future name is Arnaud Barbe! Some people pronounce it really weird! It’s all true I swear!’

The Village Chief Arnaudix Barberix was kinda perplexed but also flattered! Arnaud Barbe? Sounds neat and believable modern he thought! And world wide domination as the leader of the Sirona-Records community sounded believable too.

Ah, there is Obelisk with Aphix Twinix! the village crowd pointed out now in a state of what-the-f@ckness..

Alexterix kneeled down at the backside of his dog and started to stroke the human head attached to his bum. ‘Human Head, Attached to a human’s pet, can we make contact with the future and talk to Alex Spalding?

A moment of silence entered to raise some tension and excitement.

Than as everybody watched Alexterix looking at the human face on the dogs behind, the human face opened up his mouth. ‘Sure! no problemo! But only if your friend Obelisk can put two fingers in my mouth’. ‘We need some connection, to make things work out’ the human face said..

The villagers and chief knew that a lot of dogs had hunan heads attached  , but never ever did they hear one talk. This was a moment that all the boredom had instantly left the village center.

Obelisk? Would you be kind enough to place two fingers in Aphix Twinix human’s head mouth?
‘no problemo’ said Obelisk as he placed two fingers in the mouth of the head.

Suddenly the jaw of the face closed down and locked the two fingers of Obelisk between his teeth and lips.
Obelisk’s eyes suddenly started to spread out vapor wave lasers which formed a hologram of someone who looked a bit like Alexterix But different. He dressed in a sense that was obvious from another time, no helmet or feather but a big sweater.

amazement was what was happening in the village, even Arnaud Barberix climbed of his metal plate and let the hamsters sit on his head while being exposed to this visitor of the future.

‘Hello Guys and girls, I’m Alex Spalding. You don’t mind that I use your friend Obelisk and his two fingers to channel my latest solo album? It’s worth it! Seriously I know you are all into violin or ukulele music, but trust me you will going to love Obelisk 2! You’ll be chilling, dancing, bouncing, relaxing and will be never ever bored again! This is the future! ‘

….
The village crowd watched and nodded in silence to the hologram of Alex Spalding beamed out of Obelisk’s eyes who had two of his fingers in the mouth of a human head attached to the backside of a dog called Aphix Twinix.

Almighty than! Little village of Sirona, drink some of that legendary potion of yours as you’ll be needing it to dance! I’ll leave you know, Will see you being you in the future, but for know enjoy Obelisk 2!

The hologram and vapor wave beamed out of Obelisk eyes vaporized in thin air. The mouth of Obelisk opened up as large as he possible could, raising two fingers from his other hand into the sky as a flow of unheard music started to pump out of Obelisk’s mouth!

The pulse was great, the good vibes remarkable, the villagers picked up the good grooves and congratulated Alexterix with his discovery as their first ever unforgettable electronic dance party was setting this unconquerable village into one futuristic party!
Join them and hear Obelisk 2 with your own ears and never be bored again!
https://archive.org/details/siro707AlexSpalding-ObeliskEpTwo
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