keywords: crunch, crunch
Hello dear Yeah I Know It Sucks Readers! Welcome back to our humble abode and if this is your first time here, than please take of your shoes and place yourself on a pillow!
Today in this update, things are a little bit different, a little bit unusual but still hopefully interesting and educational enough to not be a complete bummer.
Let’s go up in the Bullshit scale…
The thing is some while ago we had some guests camping on our premisses, and they let a serious amount of snacks and savory behind, while they abruptly moved to another place of interest. I’ve been looking at these packages for a while now, seeing the expiration date coming closer and closer and nobody seems to come back for them to eat before they rot, so uh that’s why I thought about a way to test all these snacks out for the audio that they produce while being eaten. Something that might be interesting for artists that want to know if these products are worth to get for recording of samples, or just enjoy the sounds they produce while eating them yourself. Anyway, I hope you will like the:
Yeah I Know It Sucks Snack Sound Test!
Makado sticks are a bit like small french fries with shit loads of salt on it. I’m sure it will makes you thirsty for a soda of some kind. But the question is, how does it sound? It’s a bit like someone walking on rough sand, each bite on these surprisingly soft salt bombs seems to provide an impulse of eating one after another. I kept on eating it until the bag turned empty, started of with one at a time and than up to three, which made the footprints on rough sand a little bit louder in volume, but it was still the same crunchy munch munch sound. I must say that for the sake of the sound experience I wouldn’t really recommend it, cause every bite towards the end felt more unhealthy, more fast-food salt rush that feels a bit as a risk for heart, liver and kidneys. Don’t try these kind of sound tests at home, kids!
The ekachai Oatmeal Cookies are another difficult one to test out in how it sound when eating them. The problem is that the taste and the size of them makes it simply disappear a bit too quick from the dental part of the mouth to register. It takes some concentration but when managing to completely focus on the sound, it becomes clear that it is from the beginning a bit like listening to teeth biting on a stone, that than crumbles and start to get a bit more softer, as if we are listening to biting on malt. Which kinda is actually what it is really. Before leaving this sound test I have to note that most of the cookies did not look like the photo on the package, most of them all lost that delicious looking and probably more thrilling sounding peanut in the middle, which probably made this demonstration a bit disappointing.
The Yellow Bean Cake with egg yolk wasn’t a success story either. They looked like the ones printed on the box and probably tasted how they supposed to taste, but sound-wise it was really not worth covering in this review at all. It was just plain soft to hear and if there was sound; it was more coming from the saliva in my mouth that was being produced to make them slide down the throat.
After all these snacks produced in Thailand it was a surprising good find to see chocolate cookies from France. They actually didn’t leave this one behind, but was basically a gift. A gift for noise and sweet taste lovers indeed! Monoprix Gourmet’s Tortina (noisette et chocolat au lait) is the name printed on the product and even reading it kinda made me drool. I tested them before (5 boxes magically disappeared in no time), but for the sake of this experiment and love for Yeah I Know It Sucks and its precious readers, I would sacrifice myself one more time to hear how the eating of this cookie would sound. It’s hmmmm and mmmm and it hurts a bit when the chocolate goes into the holes of my teeth but hmmm. Shit! The Monoprix Gourmet has left and leaves me only with a mouth flavored of chocolate! I guess to open up another one from the box to see if there is any sound specifics to write down and register. But hmmm and mmmm and mjum mhummm.. Geez, lost the plot again! It’s not working out this part part of the sound test, I’m overdosing on chocolate orgasms here! If they did make sound than it would be hard to be heard while the eater is moaning so loudly of how pleasant it is to enjoy chocolate. So perhaps the thing itself isn’t very interesting to record audio wise, but the moaning sounds of people eating it could be quite interesting.
Than the next product to be tested for it’s sounds was the so called big size classic drumstick snack. It wasn’t a big bag so I thought this would be easy to get rid off in this experiment. I kinda looked forward to test this one, there was cheese printed on the package and I’m kinda a cheesy person, but this test wasn’t going to be all too smooth from the beginning. First of all the package had this easy to rip off way to open; I pulled the easy pull-able thing plastic off as instructed but the inner content kept unrevealed. Also trying to rip it open like a bag of regular crisps was not successful, it had to be the rusty garden scissors that opened up the bag to make the next test possible.
I shouldn’t really write about the taste but can I mention that it was kinda disappointing? Unless you like hard carton with a bit of flavored dust on top; this one was definitely not rich of cheese as the artwork was pretending. The shape was a bit like microscopic chicken legs but the sound.. how did it sound when biting it? A bit like taco’s actually, Taco’s that crumble while you bite and than disappear, if you are lucky. I must admit that if you eat more of them the taste is actually getting better. Probably because the flavored dust is piling up on the tongue while the rest of the plastic taco sound making ‘classics’ crumble and disappear in the body. But good news for the sound lovers under us, the crunchy taco biting sound is actually quite loud compared to the other products that have been tested so far. It’s a bit like ‘CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH’ per piece, really.
The next snack in line was the so called ‘Jer High Carrot, with real chicken meat!’. The package attracted me with its cute big eyed looking doggie on the artwork wearing a colar with the adorable description ‘Take Me Home’!
Who can resist that? They looked a bit like reddish long soft sticks and they tasted actually pretty good. But because of them being so soft and easy to chew and swallow, no sign of interesting sounds could be registered. For sound lovers this snack has nothing to offer, I’m afraid. But if you are into carrots with real chicken meat than this could be your kind of snack though!
And than there was this:
I don’t know how to translate it and there are no hints in English on the package, but it was a rather large sack of those things they usually give away for free at the local Chinese takeaway restaurants in Europe. But these ones in this bag where the largest ones I’ve seen, some bigger than my own head! It came with a tiny sachet of red sauce that was far too small to dip all these giant rice things in, but hey it’s the thought that counts really. The sounds while munching on them was a bit like crack. Not the stuff that people get hooked on and steal money for from their grandparents to substation their recreational habits, but the actual ‘crack crack crisper’ sounds. If recorded correctly it could actually serve as a nice sample for rhythmic purposes. The taste of this particular bag wasn’t that great, probably because it already passed the expiry date, but it is the sounds of crackling that moves this one up in the list of usability.
I’m sorry my friendly readers but it looks as someone else ate the last awkward test item that was left behind on the table. There is only a bottle of whiskey left, but I guess that it wouldn’t sound spectacular enough to report on. Besides my stomach seems to be a bit upset. It makes these noises as if there is a washing machine melting down in my belly! Maybe it was those carrot sticks made of real chicken meat? The sounds are fantastic though! I might record it! Oh.. I feel it’s time to run to the toilet for a good old puke session! Any artist in the neighborhood in need for a great sound effect? Bworrfghhh!! BWAaaarrrrgghhhh! Bwooorrfkkksss!!