ahelanthropus – The primitive path

1965016_584964981594672_669173190_nArtist: Sahelanthropus
Title: The primitive path
Cat: FNR008
Format: 3.5″ floppy diskette (limited to 24 copies)
Keywords: black metal, pagan metal, blackgaze, primitive metal.
Label: Floppy Noise

When giant reptiles attack, you just know big shit is going to happen. David Icke probably already wrote some lecture on the subject, but as we at Yeah I Know It Sucks rather work with provable proof than the written words of a prophet; we have got our hands on the right item to find out if indeed the big shit will happen and even what kind of effect it will have on society. Yes, I’m still writing about an attack of giant reptiles… So how can we find out what will happen? What is it that we have to do? Unleash some reptiles?

And the answer is ‘Yes’ that is exactly what we are doing. Don’t worry readers, you will be safe. We will do this special research in a sealed lab, just in case something goes wrong. I have no fear of reptiles; giant reptiles sound to me like something to eat in a posh adventurous restaurant. The reptiles are gathered together by a reptile expert from Peru named ‘Sahelanthropus’ and are entrapped on a professional looking floppy diskette. I know it must sound absurd; giant reptiles on a cute petite little floppy, but trust me with the right encoding anything can be locked and stored on these precious friends.

Okay, I will add the floppy in the drive now and check the giant reptiles; setting them free and see if and how they would attack. Let’s see.. ‘Attack of giant reptiles’.. Click … Oh oh.. I think we might have underestimated the giant reptiles; I can hear them coming through the hardwires and their feet are smaller than expected. They move from their temporary floppy prison to the headphones and than they arive in my ears. From there they seem to fill me up with demonic sounding whispers; the giant reptiles are not so much attacking the physical way but more cursing their way around to probably bring me pain and discomfort later on in life. But all doom aside; It’s amazing to have giant reptiles running around in your skull: you simply will never have that lonely feeling while being occupied
By these satanic sounding little priests uh primitive reptiles..

Coming to realize that ‘they’ might raise hell inside your own skull is probably already too late. Great heavy guitar riffs could be ripping up my brain right now. The real attack seem to have begun as there is blood dripping out of my nose on top of the keys of the type machine. The voices are now going to find a way for a personal self destruction or at least self harming way; sabotaging the brain masses by dooming every bit of it. I might round this review off before enjoying a total lack of brainpower while these primitive metal reptiles go around creating doomed and cursed meat of something that once was a well willing brain. Shit.. I .. Got to.. Post .. This revi.. Ew ., before…

All Hail The Primitive Reptiles!!

Do the test yourself and order a disk of lethal reptiles from the Floppy Noise label distributor:

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