Artist: Dr. NoiseM
title: Harsh X-Ray
keywords: breakcore, hardcore, noise, breaks, floppy
label: Dr.NoiseMtapes http://drnoisem.bandcamp.com
Hello students, welcome at this fine demonstration and educational lecture..
Anyone ever tried to go for a harsh X-ray scan? Anyone? Please raise your hand if you did go for an harsh X-ray scan.. Anyone? No, no not you Dr. NoiseM! Anyone any experience with a harsh X-ray scan, except Dr. NoiseM?
Nah, I can see dear students that unfortunately there are very few fingers raised in this educational center, so let’s forget the question and invite Dr. NoiseM on stage to show his harsh X-ray invention.. Give him a warm and most welcoming applause..
[the non-existing audience of students clap their hands together]
Ah Dr.NoiseM thank you for coming and the will to demonstrate your invention. So what is a harsh X-ray precisely?
Ah. I forgot Dr.NoiseM is doing some medical experiment in which he won’t be using his mouth for a month. A fascinating experiment, although not very helpful for today.. But do not worry students; with a bit of arm waving and improvising I’m sure we will be getting to the botten of the harsh X-Ray scan invention.
So, uh Dr.NoiseM.. Where is it? Where is the harsh X-Ray scanner?
What’s this? A manual? A what? A floppy diskette? Hmm.. Okay..
Is there a doctor available, I believe Dr.NoiseM has lost his marbles!
Ah, shit Dr.NoiseM is the doctor..
Hmm let’s check this floppy disk.. After all ‘it won’t harm us’, right Dr.NoiseM? So what we are going to do with it? It looks marvelous I have to say.. Students, check out the artwork of this floppy disk! It looks awesome right?
[the non-existing students roar in full enthusiasm]
Ah, now what Doctor? We have the disk but what about the Harsh X-ray scan? .. What? Are you suggesting that I bend over and lay down on this examination desk? Ah, okay whatever you want Doc, it’s your party..
Okay, now what? .. What about the harsh X-ray scan? Why are you pulling my trousers off for? Dr.NoiseM! Dr.NoiseM this is no behavior in front of such a group of high educated group of students! Hey! What are you doing? Hey! Ouch! Are you shoving that floppy between my buttocks?! What you doing that for?
[an electronic voice appears announcing that it’s time for the harsh X-ray scan]
Hey! What?! Ouch! Ooh !! Noo!! Make it stop !! What the hell is going on Dr.NoiseM?!
… Agh ahaaa no I see! Wow! Dr.NoiseM now that the diskette is in, I see images.. Wonderful images! Is there a way to share these with the students without them all getting harsh X-ray scanned?
Oh there is? Just have to stick some cable in and connect it to the Beamer screen? Well.. I guess after the whole intake of a floppy disk a cable isn’t such a big deal.. For science and the students sake (I thought I would never say this.. But..) plug me in doctor!
[Dr.NoiseM plugs in a cable and miraculously the visuals of a harsh X-ray scan in progress pop on a gigantic screen, so that all the non-existing students can see how awesome the harsh X-ray scan is]
Wow, Dr.NoiseM I had no idea this morning that the harsh X-ray scan session would be so harsh, but seeing the images of the scan and hearing the fine breakcore noises of scientific delight, I must admit that I wouldn’t want to miss this for a single bit! I can see my own bones, the bones in my hands, the bones in my legs, the bones in my hips, the bones in my head! It’s like proper harsh X-ray scanning from the inside out.. Never seen or heard before! It’s kinda extreme, even kinky; now I understand why you are wearing doctor’s gloves!
What do you think students? Do you enjoy the wild harsh X-ray sounds? And do you like the harsh X-ray images?
[Enthusiastic cheers come out from the non-existing students]
Do you have enough notes? Did you see and hear enough?
[the non-existing students yell ‘Noo!’]
Well.. Haha students.. I’m sorry but you aren’t feeling what I’m feeling. The results of the harsh X-ray scan might be amazing and great, but you all forget it is a floppy disk damaging my intestines at the moment.. In fact, is this really safe Doctor? I think I’m bleeding… Can you please stop the harsh X-ray scan? Can you please stop it Dr.NoiseM? Can you.. Oh wait what’s happening? What’s this.. Ohhhh gggghhhh I can’t gggghh breathe grrrrrhhhh doc? Gghhh doc help! Dgghhhjjjj no fghhhhh air ghhhhjj whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaa
[a electric voice appears to let the non-existing students know that the harsh X-ray scan has been successfully completed. Dr.NoiseM pulls the floppy diskette out of the scanned test person his mouth and brushes it off on his white doctors costume, before putting it back in a plastic sealed see-through bag. It seems that the brave test person for the harsh X-Ray scanner has died in the floppy disk ejection process. Which means Dr.NoiseM will put this disk up for sale as a successful harsh X-Ray scanner with slight side effects. You want one? Dr.NoiseM got it for you! Packed with 17 X-ray pictures, in a limited edition of just 23 copies!]