Floppy Totaal Vol. 2 : artists travel report
Hi there people. Thanks for dropping by… It’s a bit of a hectic situation over here… As you can see (or maybe don’t) I’m typing this from an airplane.. It’s the private jet of floppy disk superstar deejay Neil Jennings that I’m reporting from, and next to me, Neil and Michael Ridge (also known as Zebra Mu) and the pilot we have lifted off from the UK in the hope to land in an hour or so, in Rotterdam, the Netherlands. It’s a most necessary journey as we will be attending and hopefully performing at the floppy disk festival named Floppy Totaal.
We took the flight extra early as tomorrow in the afternoon there will be Florian Cramer doing a workshop about floppy movies, in which we can all learn how to make movies for on floppy disks. That explains as well why Neil brought his family collection of super 8 movies, and I filled up a bag with my black market pirated VHS Bollywood collection… I mean, the workshop promises to learn the art of putting entire movies & movie collections on cute looking floppy disks… Imagine how much space we could safe? Our luggage will be at least reduced 95%!
Neil and I can’t wait to throw our VHS and super 8 away, and have their content all nicely squeezed on adorable floppy diskettes. If you are reading this, please feel free to bring your video collection tomorrow at 13:00 and join this workshop…
Later in the evening we will try to show you our floppy disk results, but judging from the floppy videos that you can check out here, there will be no quality loss -only enhancement- of the original video content!
Oh wait.. I don’t know if you are able to see the view from the private jet over here, but it is quite stunning.. We are flying over the North Sea right now and the sky is cloudless and bright, leaving just the amazing view of sea water to be drooled upon. Neil! Michael! Did you see the view?
Hey Neil, I didn’t see Michael Ridge in a while… Is he alright? What you say? He is on the toilet having some personal problems? Oh man he really is missing out on a great view right now… Your private jet is amazing man; the commercial side of being a famous floppy diskette deejay really has paid off, eh? But seriously what is Michael doing in the toilet.. In this speedy flight there is simply no time to waste in a toilet cubicle, right? Ah what? It’s a luxurious toilet? With heated seat and self-cleaning water sprays and the ass get massaged while you shit? That is indeed pretty luxurious!
Excuse me Neil, I have to check your flying poop palace out with my own eyes… And check on Michael Ridge…
[KN knocks on the private key’s toilet door]
Michael! Michael? Are you there Michael? Mister Ridge? What is going on over there? I want to take a look Michael…
[muffled sounds could be heard coming from the toilet door]
What is that? What are you saying Michael? Michael Ridge?! Are you alright?
[more muffled sounds come from behind the toilet door]
Ah no worry mister Zebra Mu! I’m coming in!
[KN steps a few steps back and then runs against the toilet door, which then falls off its screws and opening up the way to the luxurious jet’s toilet.]
Oh my!!? What’s going on here? Michael? What the hell, man? How on earth did you managed to get in a position like this? Upside down in the luxury toilet? Can you still hear me Michael? My god man, and I thought the view from the window was nice: look at this! Just a pair of legs upside down dangling from a toilet bowl! Haha oh shit! How’s the view from there Michael? Hope not too much shit! Haha…
[more panicky muffled sounds come from the toilet bowl as the legs of mister Ridge energetically start to go in full spasm.. And slowly but surely go down the toilet! ]
Oh no! Shit!! Neil!! Neil!! Michael is getting swallowed up by your luxurious toilet!! Neill!!
[Neil Jennings comes running in]
Ah Neil! Quick pick a leg! Oh wait the legs are almost gone! Quick pick a shoe! I’ll hold on to the other and pull Michael Ridge up! You got the shoe? I got mine.. Let’s pull.. One, two, three!!
[Neil and KN both bounce back holding Michael Ridge shoes in their hands, while they watch the bare feet of Michael slipping through the luxurious private jet toilet bowl…]
Oh shit.. Oh shit… We lost him, Neil… We unfortunately lost the mail act of Floppy Totaal… Shit! This is horrible.. Is this the kind of toilet that recycles all that comes in or just simply dumps it in the ocean? Ah you don’t even know? … Shit, man… Shit… Really shit man… We should have gone by boat! You and your private jet earned from all your floppy disk deejay world tours man… See what fame and money brings? Indeed! Dangerous products like this luxurious toilet! And bad luck.. How we going to do Floppy Totaal now without floppy pop star Michael Ridge lost somewhere? … What? Cancellation because of personal circumstances? Well I guess that will do for now… You might want to do two floppy disk sets though… After all it was your toilet that ate him…
Luckily Irrlicht Project is already in the Netherlands and also Florian the floppy movie expert should be safe… The festival might be a flop, but the shoe must go on right? I’m sure you and the 1 bit mega calculator beats by Irrlicht Project will save the night big time! … Ah what you say? Oh that’s very kind of you.. Yes, I’ll be performing too.. Well that is the plan of course… As even though the horror that we have just witnessed… I sincerely do need to use the toilet Neil… If you don’t mind, can you give me some privacy?
[Neil leaves the luxurious toilet]
… Hmm.. All that commotion.. It really made me feel like shit seeing Michael go.. But oh well got to focus on my own set for tomorrow night, eh? I hope you will come.. If you make music and love floppy disks you might even want to come and perform instead of Michael Ridge.. It would be lots of floppy fun! Hmm.. It’s nice this toilet seat.. Velvet pre heated seating… This is pretty luxurious…
Wait a moment please.. I have trouble pooping when typing to you people…
Ah okay all set and done, now just finding out how to flush those fellows away? This toilet comes with a complete remote control.. Hmm.. Let me see… Hot, cold water.. Ah, nice.. It basically rinses the behind with hot or cold water of your choice… What’s this one.. Country? Maybe it’s the language option.. Let’s say.. Thailand… Bangkok… Then Ok… Oh ohhh holy shit!! This must be the wrong button!! Somebody hold my hand! Someone pull me off the luxurious toilet seat! Shit!! I’m getting sucked in!! Oh no! Oh shit! How the hell is Floppy Totaal is going to work without me or Michael? Someone please I beg you!! Pull me out from this all absorbing hole! Oh no! No… No.. It’s too late!! Goodbye wor….wraagh hmmpfff…
[Will KN aka Kai Nobuko and Michael Ridge be found in time to perform at Floppy Totaal? Will Neil Jennings arrive and play his famous floppy sets? Will Irrlicht Project bring in the 1beat beats? Will the floppy disk festival flop?… the only way to find out is to come and see it for your self!}
Floppy Totaal, vol 2.
The floppy diskette festival.
19 Juni. 19 June at 20:30
at Worm, Boomgaardsstraat 71, 3012 XA Rotterdam, Netherlands