Various Artists – Eurnovision 2015

Artists: Various
Title: Eurnovision 2015
Format: CD, digital
Keywords: alternative

Welcome ladies and gentle males! Welcome, cats, dogs, hybrids, mammals, flowers, bugs and beloved audiences at home, and people in the studio! Welcome at the Eurnovision song festival! My name is Paul the presenter and I’ll be your host throughout this exciting competition!

Today we have 20 countries from the European Union competing each other with their sing a song warriors on our battlefield! As you know they all have been through a heavy pre-selection to end up here in the final, and that means only quality top notch performances will perform for you this upcoming hour! After all the countries have done their thing it will be time for the representatives of those countries to give points to each performance, minus their own… And of course the ‘interactive’ voters at home can cast votes through a 10 dollar per SMS voting system. When all these votes are counted together we will have a winner! Who’s it going to be? Who oh who?
Of course this year’s Eurnovision is taken place in the wonderful host country of the Netherlands! Give it up for tulips, Vincent Van Gogh and coffee shops! We will shine a light on their touristic attractions later on… But now ladies and gentleman… The moment that you all have been waiting for! Open the curtains, burst open the lights and start the show!!

…and what better way to do so is with Poland‘s entry ‘Katapulto‘! It’s the first time for Katapulto to perform on this yearly contest, and it must be very exciting to be the very first to show and representing their country! Without further nonsense, let’s give it up for Poland!!!!!

……

Oh my, people Katapulto had come and conquered! Slain even! Poland must be so very proud, Katapulto raised the roof with happy blubber funk, sunny dirty baselines, feel good synthesizers played by multiple fingers and raised the roof with its smooth and sexy singing voice that left the audience here and at home with open mouth, exchanging butt-bumps from excitement! The tight disco beat really got the place roaring from excitement! When Katapulto ripped off its glitter shirt and performed half naked the final intensive (impressive!) intimate soulful ending we can all agree that this must have been the strongest opener we have ever had on Eurnovision! Excellent!

While the public here and at home calmed down from the euphoric excitement of Poland’s entry… I would like to say something about this year’s host country. The Febo is a venue all around the Netherlands in which you can go and eat Dutch delicatessen. The most famous are the Kroket, Frikandel speciaal & of course patatje oorlog. Yum yum! Come and visit the Netherlands and those authentic food providers. Fun fact, you can obtain them by putting a coin in a wall and pull a delicatessen out! Perfect for tourist who can’t speak the local language and still be able to eat what you want! Yes, people the Netherlands!

Patatje oorlog + kroket!

Patatje oorlog + kroket!

And now after this short break… We have Austria‘s candidate!! We heard so much about it, and yet know so little! The name of Austria’s candidate is ‘just friends and lovers’ and performs the song ‘Isaac’! Enjoy!!

…..

Oh my god! A spectacular light show, rowdy noises of rambling guitar, glitter falling from the ceiling and Just Friends And Lovers’ performing their sleek punk-ish feel good vibes! And the TV audience gets covered by them throwing ice cake! This is outrageous and spectacular at the same time! I wonder how this will be judged!

We will be right back after this little advertisement… Please don’t go away…

The Netherlands… Famous for its beers. They all taste like shit, but gets the job done. Buy and drink Dutch beer; visit the Netherlands.

Dutch Beers

Dutch Beers

…ah glad you stayed with us! Next up is Hungary! We heard many nice things about this artist representing it… But now it’s time for performance! And with this high amount of pressure, will Hungarian’s Morningdeer stand up and outshine the other candidates? Let’s give it up for Hungary!

….

Oh my! Beautiful! Everyone here was holding lighted cigarette lighters and burning matches to compliment the intimate music that Hungary’s Morningdeer had stunned us with! Chilling and haunting music with dramatic natural sounding darkness and the air of fresh wood has been so nicely spread through the arena! A beautiful sensitive voice worked out like witchcraft and hopefully bewitched the points enough to come their way!

Next up is Germany! Oh yes! Germany! Land of sausage, lederhosen and beer festivals! Representing it are the highly acclaimed Felix Cubin & Matthias Brosch! This means that all the other countries and their musical warriors will be biting their lips from the nerves! Let’s see and hear their take on winning Eurnovision! Germany!!

Oh wow! That was different! Pretty much insane and lots of fun!  Can’t stop loving how Felix and Matthias wobbled around in colorful spandex, hitting cowbells, playing those wicked wet and wildly menacing melodies and still had time to show off their balls in disco lights! Their glorious choices of wigs was also fantastic! I’m rooting for this one! And in not even German!

Alright people and then now a little advertisement from this year’s host nation:

Come and visit the Netherlands, the only country in the world in which the entire population wears wooden clogs.. Beautifully handmade wooden clogs.. Yellow, red, blue, hand painted; a great country to visit and go for a wooden shoe shopping spree! Come visit, The Netherlands…

In the Netherlands everyone walks around on a pair of these

In the Netherlands everyone walks around on a pair of these

…and we are back! Next country  represented is …. The Netherlands!
Can’t wait to see their wooden shoes! The Netherlands is represented by ‘Dion and the magic chords‘ . Stories go that André Rieu wanted to come, but he got driven over by steamroller. Anyway let’s give it up for Dion and the magic chords, the Netherlands!

……

That was a spectacular grand performance! Love how there was an entire dance group dressed as Tulips to psychedelically dance in the spectacular light show triggered by an awesome synthesizer showcase! Everything was warm, full of beautiful chords and it even had projections of the famous artist Harry  Merry playing in the background! Spectacular!

Next up is Catalonia! Famous for its Catalonian cake and Catalonian Carrots! Here the beautiful country is represented by Motor Combo!

…..

That was a pretty inspiring performance! A whole massage salon was setup on stage and motor cycle fanatics did an amazing dance routine while getting their backs waxed! The band Motor Combo entertained by posing in clinic costumes, providing the best possible friendly music that had something very retro about it. Very nice if you’d ask me.. I wonder how many points they will get, especially with those Catalonian masseurs giving back massage to the representative judges of the other countries.

Time for an advertisement.. We will be right back..

Gifgrond, a best kept secret that is worth the visit when you’ll ever be in the Netherlands at the right time, and at the right place. A place located in the beautiful surroundings of Tillywood, in which music performances and poisonous drinks are served to the locals and tourists! Another part that makes the Netherlands such a beautiful place to have your holidays in!

the logo of Gifgrond

the logo of Gifgrond

…sorry for the great amount of advertisements of the host country, but without it wouldn’t be Eurnovision. Next up is the artist most people had been waiting for, representing the country that is Ireland; it’s the popular Clockwork Orchestra! Give it up for Ireland!

…..

Wow! Ladies and gentleman! What a performance, what a musical skills Clockwork Orchestra showcased here! A virtuoso playing multiple instruments at the same time, singing, guitar, organ, drums, and total feel good party domination! That was of course pretty much a highlight of the event just by the show case of blatant talent! Ireland must be over the moon having Clockwork Orchestra fighting for their honor in this excellent Eurnovision episode!

What will be next? No need to wonder as its France! The country solidly responsible for the finest wines, garlic bread and Moulin Rouge! Now the country gets honorably defended by DAT Politics.
Give a warm welcoming applause for France!

….

Holy macaroni! What a spectacular show, it seems that this year’s Eurnovision just got a bit of a Japanese flavor! Really love how DAT Politics came as Japanese cartoon characters performing their fun groovy electronic funkiness! Everyone here danced on this irresistible piece of dance music!

And then now it’s time for Belgium! Its own musical warrior representing the chocolate country and capital of Europe is Echo Beatty. Let’s enjoy and wish Belgium good luck in this strong competition!

….

Totally mesmerized… What a mesmerizing intimate performance delivered here by Echo Beatty. Pretty music, very moody, warm and yet tastefully drowned with beautifully sang words. I don’t know about you at home, but here it gave many people in the audience the shivers and even some tears in their eyes; beautiful stuff, Belgium should be proud!

Before we go to another advertisement sponsored by the host country if this year’s Eurnovision, there is one performance that all have been talking about! It’s Italy with Spaguetta Orghasmmond!

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Again! What a performance! Unique, and pretty amazing how Italy’s artist performs a drunken atmosphere with pretty sing a long song material while doing the ventriloquist trick of drinking and singing at the same time! A whole choir of Italian alcoholics came from backstage to sing and full up the performance with total awesomeness! Really nice!

… And now it’s time for a little word from this year’s sponsor:

The Netherlands, country famous for its production of XTC. Best export product in the European region. Come and visit soon and taste the finest chemicals in Europe.

a export product

a export product

… Next up is England! The country that joined Europe without going for the Euro! The country is represented by Cleaners from Venus… Let’s give them a warm applause!

…..

That was lovely! Really a simple performance perhaps compared to all the glitter and intimate glamor of the previous performances; but it has to be said that it really did represented England. The England sound, the British form of music.. An English band, singing in English, playing English music.. It felt really presentable for the country!

Next country is Slovakia! Represented by Samčo, Brat Dážďoviek! I saw a bit of it in rehearsal and I can’t wait to present it to you! Slovakia!!

….

Oh my gosh! Slovakia nailed it! Rubber sucks, people dressed as cats, bees, mice , opera legends and a whole orchestra of experimental prettiness! Beautiful!

Because of time limitations we just got instructed to hurry up with introducing the next country defending honor in Eurnovision!
The next country is Switzerland! And the warrior is named Syndrome WPW! Bring it on!

…..

Oh lala!! What the craziness?! That was brilliant! A lot of energy happened here on stage, legendary cheeses from Switzerland were launched from flame throwing props, wild energetic music got performed and everyone was jumping up and down! Pretty strong contest entry I would say!

Next candidate is Quimper representing the beautiful Scotland! Without any time to waste, put your hands together for Scotland!

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That was so lovely.. Probably the cutest entry of Eurnovision 2015! Very cute show, great idea to perform the song on top of a gigantic cheesecake in the shape of Scotland! It looked impressive, and sounded very sweet and personal. Scotland should be proud!

…I wish we didn’t have to go.. But it’s time for advertisement again.. Stay tuned!

The Netherlands, famous for its production of cow milk. Come and visit the Netherlands and drink milk before it gets exported to another country. The Netherlands, your vacation destination to drink fresh cow milk.

a provider of Dutch cow milk

a provider of Dutch cow milk

Ah! And we are back! You are still following the Eurnovision 2015! Next country in line is Serbia! Represented here by the one and only Kodagain! Let’s give them a warm welcoming applause!

…..

That was lovely and lively. A nice bit of folk music with a sense of good humor, and of course good musician skills. The song ‘Berlusconi stole my teenage girlfriend’ seemed to be even appreciated by the Italian delegation here at Eurnovision! Might they earn a lot of points with this one?

The country that follows is Russia! Famous for its vodka and noise, the powerful country is represented by Mary Ocher. She will perform a song named ‘by nature’ and you know what; she’ll do it right now! Hooray for Russia’s Nary Ocher!

….

That was a wonderful special performance.. It felt like a heartfelt dream, something half drowned in cabaret, half stuck in the old days, half drunk on a bottle of gin. This was pretty inspiring!

And now it’s time for a top group from Czech Republic! I Love 69 popgeju! Thousands of teenage fans have traveled along with them for support and I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for them to do their thing! Applause!

….

Czech Republic in the house! That was a fantastic ball of energy! Girls, boys ; everywhere dancing! Old and young got infected with the bands active party vibrations! I love how everyone was provided with party hats and fun whistles! Czech Republic kicked ass tonight!

…time for the last advertisement…

The Netherlands. Country that gave birth to gabber music. Come and visit, the Netherlands.

a Dutch Gabber

a Dutch Gabber

Welcome back! This is still Eurnovision and with no time to waste it’s an honor for me to announce that Spain’s music warrior is nobody less than Agnes Pe! Give it up for Spain!

….

Oh my gosh, garden gnomes, people dressed up as popes, the audience got served free drinks, balloons, confetti, butterfly projections on the floor and totally kick ass Agnes Pe performing probably the best music in this contest! Stunning! Spain is suddenly cool again!

The next and almost last country representing itself over here is Finland! Isn’t this exciting? Finland, people! Finland!  Represented here by Komplekski! Enjoy the show!

……

Wow, this is really nice as well, it sounded indeed like a very Finland thing to do music wise, and the performance draped in a flag of Finland was a pretty stunning bonus material! Great singing, strange psychological music and stunning visuals! Well done Finland!

Last but certainly not least is Turkey!
For the honor of Turkish delights they have Kim Ki O! A big applause for the final candidate of Eurnovision 2015!

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Kim Ki O ladies and gentle males! What a pretty performance, very dreamy vocals, emotional sounding synths and a firm bit of nostalgia. A great and lovely way to end 2015’s Eurnovision contest! Except of course that it’s now time to count the votes given here by the representative countries and SMS people at home… Who will win Eurnovision 2015?

….

Hit the drumroll! The votes are counted! And the winner of Eurnovision 2015 is….
Lichtenstein!

Congratulations!!
Now please enjoy all the performances over at the following link:
https://eurnovision.bandcamp.com/album/eurnovision-2015

This entry was posted in electronic, experimental, pop and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Various Artists – Eurnovision 2015

  1. Pingback: interview with EPP | Yeah I Know It Sucks

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