Alex Spalding – Implant Angel

1Artist: Alex Spalding
title: Implant Angel
keywords: cosmic, wave, electro, electronic, funk, post-industrial, progressive, Springfield

You won’t believe what happened to me? I left the yeah I know it sucks office for 3 days to inspect a museum (as you do..) and just came back, walked in the reviewers office, only to walk out again.

I thought I had gone into the wrong building, as the whole YIKIS office had transformed into something else. I’m not sure, how, or when or even exactly ‘why’ , but Yeah I Know It Sucks had obviously gone through a artistic make over; it turned into a museum of suck!

On the first floor art, second floor hoovers, the third floor free blow-jobs. I’m joking, as that would not suck so much; it’s 12 floors of music reviews with visuals and stimulating atmospheric room temperatures and lightening… Or that’s what I presume it is, as I just walked in and just started to chat with you like a headless chicken.
But let me tell you that when I was reasonably recovered from the shock at first sight, I walked back in to see hallways, rooms and exhibits of a kind that you don’t know really what to think or say about, but still stuff that makes you want to stroke your chin, as if you could milk the intelligent answers from your chin.

This must be the real art, as someone intelligent told me once; if you look at something and find yourself stroking your own chin at the same time; it must be art! I’m stroking my chin right now… What does it mean?

I always thought of yeah I know it sucks more as a freak show then a museum, but now that I see all this stuff framed, and hanging on the walls to stare at; it actually has something… Pretentious!


This whole YIKIS museum thing might actually work, after all yeah I know it sucks is definitely the source for dropouts to come, and educate themselves with culture and art…
We might even get some government support… I imagine that YIKIS is now close to being subsidized! That means no more updates; we will go on permanent vacation!

But in the mean time we can stroke our chins in order to milk out another answer…
Art… It exists…
But what is art really?

is this art?

is this art?

Let’s get philosophical in the bullshit way…

I can stroke my chin in a weird way, and someone might claim that that’s performance art. You might fart in a plastic bottle, close the cap and call the piece ‘fart in bottle’. You shit in the middle of an empty room with white walls, and that as well could be called a form of provocative modern art; art is easy and flexible, something for people’s own interpretation. Some call it a human sacrament  & others would say it’s state of the art, piece of art.



Even you, dear reader… you can be art; just place yourself in a museum situation while reading this… Put a name card of the artist(a) who made you (probably a collaboration between genitals) or if you are not comfortable with that; feel free to leave it blank or give the credit to a higher being like ‘god’ or something.. And there you have it: a piece of ‘untitled’ art.

You can name yourself something if you want, but ‘untitled’ always speaks more to the imagination: The lesser info; the better. (A rule I obviously don’t take very seriously around here…)

But unfortunately this rambling block of nonsense is not about you, or how much I consider you as a beautiful piece of art willing to read this nonsense. (I love you dearly) but this should be about something that I saw hanging here when stumbling in this YIKIS museum: artistic music.




Music is art, but shit music is an amazing art; and musicians are artists. Yep, if you consider Justin Bieber a musician; he might as well be Monet, Madonna might be Keith Haring and Lady GaGa is… well… Never mind! Never mind her bollocks.

In my 3 day inspection trip to a real, yet unopened museum, I’ve learned from the curator that you tell each person a different narrative; you don’t want to shoot the hand that feeds you, even though you might want to exhibit an ugly portrait of this person’s hand covered in shit and banana peels. It’s all about the story; you tell the hand that feeds you about the pretty colors of the work, and you tell the visitors that it’s the ‘hand that feeds you’ covered in shit and banana peels: Two stories for the same artwork.

the hand that feeds you - art

the hand that feeds you – art

It’s about tactics… So what am I saying here is; if we apply this tactic to the ‘works’ in this (hopefully temporary) YIKIS museum, the instructions with these ‘arts’ should tell you exactly what you want to hear. And that’s great news as we are dealing here with ‘arts’ made for the ears; you know ‘music’ stuffs…

I’ve lost my marbles… But let’s continue…

Now the big question is; what do you want to hear? Or better what do you need to hear when looking at the following artwork? Yes, probably music. Or sound, or maybe even silence (I remember some silent artworks around here) . You don’t want to hear some idiotic voice in your head reading words of unrelated, illogical gibberish. And yet you probably kept on reading and reading over here.. And that’s why you are entitled of being a unique piece of art yourself. You are beautiful, you really are.. Did you know that?

But let’s look at another art, something that hangs in the lobby here…

It is the first work you see when arriving at the newly appeared YIKIS museum, and it has something expressionist over it. This work is partly made with mixed material actions; a mixed media production of image and sound, created by a local internet based artist and YIKIS office employee mister Alex Spalding.


…Didn’t I see Alex Spalding’s name above the museum entrance? Alex Spalding presents the Yeah I Know It Sucks Museum? … He must be behind this museum transformation… I must thank him later, if I can find him…
Where is that crazy guy?

No. Not me..the owner of this joint… Alex…

You go away for three days and a quick ‘Alex Spalding’ revolution throws out your desk, and replaces it with Alex Spalding curated art, art and art. Quite marvelous, really!

Seriously did anyone see him? I really want to thank him… I think he did an amazing job, oh and Caffeinate of course.. I saw him yelling loudly while pulling hairs out of his skull and running past me towards the exit. A true performance artist!

So what about this mixed media artwork of this Alex Spalding that is being showcased in the museum’s lobby? Well it fits. Modern and classy, structurally thought provoking in a way that I can stroke my chin all I want; but no sensible word comes out..

Only gibberish…

Which is strange considering that the artwork is pretty straight forward, no need to be so gibberish about it; yet I can’t help it. Alex Spalding’s Art works in such mysterious ways.

So ultimately I think the best thing to do is look at it, play with it & play it. Look close-up for the details, stand a bit further to hear the whole thing in one view & then you better make your own narrative, your own story & your own impression in what this piece of art means, or doesn’t mean to you on a personal & professional level.

Alex where are you man?

I really want to thank him…
I miss that guy.. that crazy guy… where the hell is he?

...somewhere in the museum...

…somewhere in the museum…

But as he is not here, let me say something more about his artwork.
For me it’s a shocking piece; probably because it was the first thing I saw when walking in. I also could just stroke my chin for hours and hours, while looking and listening to it. Which is on its own is also quite a shocker of an activity. It’s like most art and museums; something to keep you off the street, something to look at, something else than the usual depressing wallpaper at home.

And when you do something like that, you better make sure it’s worth your time. This badly written writing might not be the case of spending your time wisely; but this artwork definitely is! So grammar police please stop your annoying investigation and join the other visitors by forgetting all these letters and words. (it’s nonsense) and invite yourself over to click the link and start choking… uh i mean ‘stroking’ your chin…

This entry was posted in electro, electronic, funk, industrial and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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