Yeah I Know It Sucks playing suckie ‘Games’

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Hello YIKIS participants, welcome at a special episode. I’m not a gamer, so this is awkward; but I’ve borrowed an iPad from (believe me or not!) a modern 80 year old and thought to check out ‘the games’.
Of course I don’t want to pay for them (and probably neither does the 80 year old iPad owner) so I’d avoid all paid and in-app payed games to avoid any problems & be as cheap as possible.

Browsing through all these games featured for install, is making me feel like a kid in the candy store. Luckily all good games seems to be paid, and suckier ones all seem to want me (or the owner of the ipad) to pay while actually playing and accidentally pressing a button or uh whatever it is called… I mean these things are button-less, it’s just a piece of electric glass with fingerprints from the eighty year old owner all over it.

Anyway to make a long story even longer; I saw something that gathered my interest. Games that looked either as minimal in design that no hardcore gamer would probably hit the ‘get’ button & to be honest they looked rather sucky and well I’m a sucker for sucky…

Of course i care more about the sounds and the music used in these ‘cool’ looking games, but will try to play and report on them too. Cause well, you only manage to borrow a iPad out of the hands of an modern 80 year old so it’s best to use it before the person will notice that it’s gone…

So here we go… A few games:

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Easy Joe Fun Game

By Ankit Kanjariya
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Easy Joe is a so called point and tap adventure in which we play a easy rabbit named Joe. Joe looks severely toxic as his skin is bright neon green, but in all fairness it really fit his surroundings as well. Everything is purple towards bright pinkish pink and bright green as Easy Joe, but the music is something jazzy with a slap bass and a piano.. Unfortunately for me before even starting the game I’m bombarded by advertisements. The entire bottom of easy Joe is a space to accidentally click which would bring me to a dating site of ‘handsome’ people. Also the entire screen wipes away to become advertisers for other games… Come on people i don’t want to play ‘cradle of empires’ or go on a date with a handsome person… I want to be, and control Easy Joe!

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^ Easy Joe Fun Game

Okay I managed to clear the invites for other games away & follow the instructions: click on the bridge , I click on something that isn’t a bridge, and ‘click on Joe’ so i do that.. Joe goes from right to left over the ‘bridge’ by itself. When it goes into another screen I’m bombarded again by more advertisements that pop up. Play ‘smule’ download this and play karaoke at home… and when eventually I’m on the Easy Joe’s screen again the jazz music loop seems to have crashed and all you can hear is a very annoying high beep. Not just a beep; a endless mono one.. A new advert pops up ‘buy these ugly shoes, watch and sunglasses’.. Fucking hell the actual game is not playing Easy Joe it’s trying to not click on a advert or go to the dating site while getting your ears penetrated by a anoying sound. Well done, I’ve definitely found a game for on Yeah I Know It Sucks. Don’t play this as it sucks!

The most fun was deleting it…

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Yes please! This will be fun!

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Drag Taxi

By Ranz Ursal
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I’ve always wanted to be a taxi driver & this game looks like it would make this weird dream come true. The description ‘How long can you stay in this taxi? Ride this taxi and find out!’ Worries me a bit, though. But let’s give it a go!

Ah the menu looks cool and there is actual chip tune awesomeness of a popular tune to please my ears. It’s just a loop, but music-wise I’m still quite happy. There are three options.. Start, about & share. Every-time when I press ‘about’ a advert for some paid game pops up before I can see the instruction on a picture telling me to ‘touch and drag’… Okay’ I’ll drag on! I press start and the taxi (who wears sunglasses) moves like a drunk driver from left to right over the screen, not even close to my finger.

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Drag Taxi’s instructions

Before a second has passed my beloved dream of being a taxi driver has collapsed; I’ve crashed against god knows what. Current meter 12, best meter 12 it says under the ‘Game Over’ thing. I can ‘retry’, go back to the menu or press a suspicious option of ‘No Ads’ as a siren loops on my ears… Okay let’s ‘retry’ for suckness sake… Hmm.. Apparently there are some kind of flat pineapple people tumbling down the road, but they are just on the left and right.. I don’t touch the screen and the taxi drives on its own in the middle with no pineapple people in sight… Still after a few seconds it crashes against nothing. Current meter 45, a record on the automatic taxi pilot it says under the ‘Game Over’. Yeah it’s ‘Game Over’ alright… Bye bye!

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Target In Sight PRO – Archery Tournament

By Yeisela Ordonez Vaquiro
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This game looks promising… It has some great reviews: TOP target in sight game in the world! One of my favorite games’ etc.. Can’t wait to play it! When it opens also a advert opens to play a game called ‘Township’ that looks like the Facebook spam game FarmVille.. Is that still alive? Anyway can’t complain too much after all the game is free!

‘Swipe to the right to recharge all red energy. Aim the bow and arrow with your finger. Then release your finger to hit the cyber spider’

A cyber spider? Is this the new name for ‘apple’? I thought this was about shooting an arrow to hit the apple on the poor volunteers head? I shoot the poor volunteer straight in his or her stomach. It looks painful but the brave victim doesn’t seem to give a fuck about the arrow being there, she just stands there like it’s every day’s business. Funny thing is that even though I had hit the volunteer in the stomach the game actually informs that ‘YOU MISSED’.

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really?

The sadist in me comes out; so i shoot another arrow in the volunteer who now finally collapses! I kinda like this game. I just imagine that the volunteer are the people responsible for the Easy Joe game and that horrible taxi crap.
I restart the game and shoot the volunteer right in the head; nice shot! A second one gets rewarded by a advert for some online casino! But look at the volunteer! It was worth it!

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i love this game!

I see that the battery of the iPad is dying so let’s play one more game whose name really fits this gamers experience..:

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bull S**t – Reloaded
By Rashid Mehmood
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The game starts with the usual bull s**t; a advert. Then more bull**t to explain how to actually play the game. Do this, do that, click this to get this, click that to do that etc. it’s all in fantastic English so that’s all pretty understandable.
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The music is some country style loop, it gets you in the mood for a can of beans… The game itself isn’t difficult to play. Touch on the left and the bull goes left, touch on the right and the bull goes right. Touch somewhere else and the bull jumps. Touch on an advert and you are f*cked. Before my racing game is over and the bull jumped over the finish line, I’ve had to click away two advertisements (orange is the new black, people!) and then the battery saved me from more Bull S**t.

I made sure that the bull s**t would not bother the 80 year old owner of this modern piece of electric glass. And placed it right under her pillow where I had found it. If you like advertisements i really recommend Easy Joe!
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9 Responses to Yeah I Know It Sucks playing suckie ‘Games’

  1. janstrach says:

    Can’t speak about all the other games but my childs regularly nag me to play easy joe and believe it or not the game has about 6 more parts! And that’s I think the key demographic – recommended to play with a 4 y.o.

  2. linda says:

    Nice review!! I like sucky games too! However, the tablet I had could not be upgraded anymore, so I stick to browser (flash) games. Seems the Easy Joe might have a browser version for pc and those tend to have less advertisements (thanks to adblocker) and the well known mouse and keyboard interface 🙂

  3. kainobuko says:

    Jan, I have to find a way to play it with a 4 y.o. as a guide 🙂 I love the visuals but all the spam made it impossible to enjoy it, might indeed help to find the browser version without all these adverts. 🙂 In fact Linda, I’m curious about these flash sucky games that you play! ❤

  4. Pingback: Yeah I Know It Sucks playing Tetris | Yeah I Know It Sucks

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