A while back we had been playing (or attempted to play) a few very sucky games,
of course that ‘review’ turned out to such a success that it tasted of more.
Our head of comment (Linda) had lent us a hand by collecting a firm collection of flashy flash games which she thinks ‘suck’. Because there are so many, Linda carefully focused in her first batch of sucky flash games on the childhood favorite TETRIS game. Or so it seems…
To be a professional guide in this reviewing process (of course we pay extra attention to the music and sounds!), Linda had carefully written a professional description of what we could expect. Okay, Linda; let’s bring it on!
Uh.. okay, what can you say about this dear Linda?
Linda: You’d expect a sensual dancing and/or singing Shakira to distract you from a game of tetris. Instead, the pieces rotate the wrong way, there’s no soundtrack to the game and Shakira displays a mere fatigue look on your tetris skills. The gameplay is not all that bad, the leveling up adds some difficulty but the speed stays the same. And, statistics.
Uh, what? Linda? Are you telling us that there is no music in this tetris game? Holy cow, didn’t they know the music was eighty percent of the fun in the original tetris game? Maybe, you had overlooked it? Maybe the music is switched off somewhere… Let the game begin!
The first mini game is a pop up that tells me that I can book a session at a hand-reader’s mystical place. Maybe this person can see the future and tell me if there is an actual end to tetris the game? After not clicking (that is the way to win the mini game!) this pops up:
TETRIS with Shakira… How about that? Never knew Shakira was into TETRIS! When I press start the whole excitement of playing TETRIS with Shakira had turned into a challenge.
The task is basically to get all the colored blocks matched up as they tumble down over Shakira’s face and cropped upper body… As they fall down and the colors are just simply not matching, you can simply wave the view of Shakira goodbye, as she slowly disappears behind the colored wall of Tetris things. Donald Trump should make one version with Mexico, so he could build virtual walls by failing at tetris just like me.
If you want to play tetris with Shakira then join the competition here:
What do we have more, Linda?
MAGIC EYE TETRIS
oh! That sounds like an eye-opening game! What did you make of it, Linda?
Linda: I couldn’t play it at all. If anyone knows how to do a magic eye. To be honest: I was afraid it would be a sceamer..
This one starts also with a little pop up game.. This time I make a screenshot, as it is actually hilarious to be in the modern ages, on the internet, with ads that talk about a 1-on-1 psychic reading… will this psychic reading by 1-on-1 in a internet chatbox?
Anyway, this pre-game I win again by not clicking anything (piece of cake!)
But then the actual game… wow… I don’t know but somehow I feel this game is not made for us ‘normal’ human beings, but actually for that psychic healer who does these 1-on-1 readings. I thought my third eye was wide open, but perhaps I had been mistaken and it was actually my turd eye; this game… I cannot even see!
It is pretty fantastic though, I mean in the terms of YIKS speaking it truly is!
It just looks like a pattern that someone had knitted, and it moves if you press the arrow keys & then like a blind person you will fail, and fail, and fail & have no idea how or what it is you are doing wrong, as the entire game play is designed for psychics that can see things that me and Linda cannot see! Unfortunately I cannot hear it either! What is this magic? Is this Gandalf’s kind of tetris game? feel free to play if you have a magic eye! otherwise good luck!
Well then… this sucks.
Linda, do you have a last Tetris game for us to try out? Hopefully one with sound and music… You know we love that kind of stuff over here… ah? what? you actually have! Amazing! What is it called?
Well that could be interesting.. Is this tetris in some kind of mosh-pit? What did you think about this game, Linda?
Linda: The gameplay of the tetris ain’t bad and the graphics are wellmade and original. The theme however, is a bit sick. And you cannot replay without refreshing the page.
Wow, Linda you didn’t lie about the sound… With all the silence of the other games, this one had almost blown my ears out. But I got what I wished for, and that’s nothing to complain about. So in this tetris game there are actually people imprisoned. I feel sorry enough for their situations, so I refrain from turning them around to make those ‘lines’.
Lucky thing is that when I lose the imprisoned block-prisoners win; getting ready for my cyber execution. I feel with this game that loosing is actually winning. I wish all guards from prison camps would understand this, be a better winner by losing… I now wonder if I actually would make a ‘line’ would that mean these poor people would be beheaded? …for once I’m happy to suck at tetris.
If you want to play more tetris, Linda really recommends to check this website out as its all tetris… Or well; tetris-based games… It’s actually pretty bizarre, as why? Why are there so many tetris games? For who? Is there some kind of insane tetris cult out there, playing all the shitty versions as they can’t find the original no more? Or is this simply the work of a collector that should be seen as a online educative game-museum for the tetris lover?
^ does this mean there are 145 (!!) tetris games on this page alone?
Holy smokes! That’s someone life work for sure!
Time to relax with something all these games made me long too…
The Tetris tune! ❤