Title: Blood Collector [EP]
Keywords: Electronic, mpls, Alt Dance, Bit, Chiptune, Collage, Dance, Experimental, Musique Concrete, Noise, Tekno
Reviewer: Alex Spalding
Today, I’ll be reviewing another brilliant work of musical art from one of James Allen’s collection of supercool projects! So exciting! I also wanted to let you know, reader, that I’ve discovered your deep, dark secret… no, not that you’ve got like, 30 porn tabs open right now, everyone knows about that… I’m talking about something that you may not have even realized… that you’re a super secret psychic! Don’t worry, by the time you’ve finished reading this, I’ll have demonstrated your amazing powers several times. Then, you’ll be ready to use your amazing, frightening brain for all kinds of incredible things. All I ask, is that you should maybe not turn to evil, except when called upon, by me, when I’m about to hit the slots hard.
Oh… I see… you don’t believe me. Well, then, you skeptic skep-a-diddle doo, riddle me this… how many fingers am I holding up right now? I’ll wait for your answer…
… wait… what did you say!? Holy cow!!! How did you know!?!? I told you just a second ago, you’re psychic! I don’t know how you didn’t know I knew and was going to ask you anyway how you knew, even though I knew and just told you. I guess the psychic thing doesn’t work that way. I’m slightly less impressed with you now. It’s okay, though, your psychic abilities still bewilder me, despite how unbewildery I may appear at the moment. Anyway… did you know that–
— yeah, of course you did. You knew that I was going to say, the first track on the Blood Collector EP is titled ‘Collector’ and that it’s two minutes and twenty-eight seconds in length. You’re thorough, I’ll give you that. Well, then, if you really want to impress me, you’d tell me how the track begins sounding like a sample of noise, rhythmically interlaid with some chiptune waveforms in delicious 4/4, seducing my body to commit the act of dance, badly as I do, not that it’s of any great concern. And that, soon, it ends in a blast of noise! … I see, I see. Bravo. You somehow managed to take all the words out of my mouth, spin them ’round your finger, and put them back in my mouth where they crawled up to their point of origin in my brain, which caused me to type them all out… damn good job on that one.
Next up… don’t say it… is the nine-second-long fanfare titled ‘Plasma’. It’s actually just some echoing vocal sample, kinda distorted, an interlude vibe really. By the way, what color am I thinking of right now? … Yep. Good job.
The third and final piece of music here is called ‘Suck Blood’, and it’s wild stuff! Vocal samples break away into a dirty industrial noise groove! I’m thinking of a number between one and ten, any guesses? Wow, you did it again!
As you already must have known, you’ve really gotta check the music out at the link below. One last test, though. Are you ready? What is the– ? Wait, what? Huh… no… actually, that’s the wrong question and the wrong answer…
… just kidding! So, that’s like, a 100% accuracy score. Way to go! I just hope you’ll always remember how I unleashed your special hidden potential like that, when you’re a zillionaire. Cha-ching!