Alex Spalding – Toxic Chicken III

Artist: Alex Spalding
Title: Toxic Chicken III
Keywords: electronic avant-garde chillout chipcore electrosega sega genesis shoegaze Tacoma
Format: digital / compact disc
Label: Focused Silence

In case you had been wondering why YIKIS wasn’t being frequently updated… blame a case of no internet, lack of compatible chargers and a bag full of unexpected adventures; good times!
I’m in Mallorca, in a hotel ‘next’ to the beach…

a place where you will be kindly greeted by empty bottles and cans of booze and frat boys arriving in groups in the hope to find equal groups of willing girls; only be greeted upon arrival with more drunk boys “welcome to the sausage fest, guys”. This is the place where blowup dolls greet you from the balconies as terrible shit music makes them dangle in the sunshine. Is this hell or heaven?

Everyone is so drunk that nobody probably knows what the answer is. Still not drunk enough for the boys to stick their wursts in the other boys their behinds , maybe they do and these inflatable dolls are there just for show? I think it would be preferable to dip a sausage in something brotherly nice and warm, than something cheap and plastically… but hell, the ‘culture’ over here completely passes by over my head…

Everywhere I could smell the stench of cat urine, from entering upon arrival at the airport, the taxi towards the hotel to the hotel, the beach, the street and even the sea. Soon I found out from reliable sources that This was in fact no cat urine, but one that was from human origin, firmly greeting the nostrils wherever you are, like a expensive Marc Jacobs perfume that never should have been brought into production.

The sea was nice, also full of urine; when I was in there and laughed, a big wave unwillingly dropped its load in my mouth; I could distinguish a mixture between salty water that was clearly one of urine, alcohol, seamen, blood and possible here and there a diluted turd. Still it was nice to see that the sea was so clear, making it easier to see the broken glass pieces on the bottom, nicely cutting up the flesh of the lucky swimmers in this paradise on earth. Of course I was one of them lucky ones, bleeding sweetly along the coastline while other swimmers disinfected it unknowingly by pissing through their swimming costumes. Ah, life is good.

I knew urine was a great disinfectant and salt good to heal wounds, it was a cool rediscovery that it also made this part of the bay at sea a really nice temperature.

The hotel was one of these modern concepts that had a all included style. Which meant that you could eat all the horrible disgusting food that you wanted (which is probably a way of suicide) and have a unlimited amount of drinks. I was looking forward to the drinks as that seemed to be a good way to deal with it all and also a way to blend into the culture a bit more.

Unfortunately when I arrived at the booze dispenser and I tapped a cheap looking alcoholic beverage, a waitress approached quickly saying ‘English?’ Followed by a amount of gibberish about a ‘shirt’, finally giving up beating through the language barrier by taking me to a sign in which it was explained that blokes like me should wear a arm covering shirt to enter this classy joint of food poisoning and liver destruction.

Well fuck that, as I pointed annoyed to all the girls sitting there with similar tops with their armpits exposed, saying that this was a hell hole and definitely not a religious temple/church/religious luxury resort.. as i swiftly took a seat holding on to that glass of poison, I was quickly to be greeted by a unfriendly pumped up waiter who clearly suffered from a thing called ‘small dick complex’, I cheered him back with a meaningful ‘fuck you’ that slipped out over my lips like a wonder of the universal language, which unfortunately pissed over the man’s ego and turned him into a Tony Sorprano look-a-like who made a angry offer that you shouldn’t really refuse, unless you have (unlike me) a good pair of healthy teeth in your mouth & (also unlike me) some muscles to beat this pumped up ball of hot headed baloney into a pulp that was similar to the pieces floating on the bottom of the plastic wine glass.

Okay, I knew my teeth weren’t worth being punched out for a couple of free cancerous sulfur wines and inedible foods, so I took his offer to remove myself from the potential fight zone; welcome to paradise shite on earth.

In my room I was drilling away thanks to the next door frat boys from Germany who where still stuck in the gabber hardcore times, mixed with hoopla polka carnival sing a long horror, ‘music’ that they played from this one gigantic speaker that they blasted to be pleasantly spreading their musical good tastes to all the lucky balcony owners out there, probably to compliment the classy view of the sea. To make things even better was them drunkenly singing along; I had met them in the elevator, asking me what a elevator was called… they seemed to be real nice & willing to learn.

This mumbling writing has probably almost nothing to do with this chiptune release by Alex Spalding, other than that I’m this particular chicken who is living all these adventures that the oracle-like Alex had predicted so well with this third toxic chicken themed release by this beloved chiptune master. However this whole Spain chapter had gone beyond the usual road of the unpredictable chicken way of life, surprising not only myself (the poisonous poultry) but also the soundtrack of my life. 

Still, unpressurized and bamboozled by so many correct adventures in thematic theme tunes it was a true pleasure to mix and match the view and feel of the gentle waves of Spain with the sound of Alex’s Gentle Waves, also a surprise was that the Pink Flamingo’s theme track indeed attracted the sight of pink flamingos on this beach, they had been inflatables with German drunks floating around in it; Alex had and still is predicting the future in ways even the best brainy third eye minded chickens wouldn’t be able to see it coming.

 Will a certain Linda comment on this post? Will Pecka Fuego be seen and the return of the toxic chicken hit the scene again? Probably everything will be happening and thanks to Alex his amazing insight and incredible quirky bit scenes these adventures are all set in the air for futuristic pecking chicken fun! Happiness for all of us! Thank you so much Alex!

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3 Responses to Alex Spalding – Toxic Chicken III

  1. linda says:

    I Will Comment! But brief, because I’ve also been on holiday (noth Portugal and it was great-t-t-t-t, dreaming of my future on the land) and back in the office the first day. So I just looked a spam-filled mailbox and a stack of now-i-am-really-behind-on-work work pile.

    However, some artists don’t need any review to tell how shit or not shit their music is. Especially not if they are part of the Yikis team. Especially not, as Yikis team members seem to always make the best shit. Whether their name is part of the ‘artist’ on the packaging or their name being part of the ‘title’ of the packaging or both. I’d even say that if Yikis team members are the ‘reviewer’ it is a good piece of shit, as most content on this website is. Know how to poo, nobody else will do it for you! #randompieceofshit

    I don’t know where that came from. Happy to be plugged back in here anyhow.

    • linda says:

      Oh wow! There is a Linda Pinda Commentary Theme and I listened to it while I made the comment. It must have been subconsciously triggering that piece of poetry! 😀

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