Yeah I Know alcohol. Volume 2.

Yeah I Know alcohol. Volume 2.

Listening to music, writing a bunch of lousy sentences while or after analyzing the sounds for a so called music review can almost not be done without the good help of a liquid friend named alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, it could be done without anything, sober as hell it could be okay.. but yeah, the outcomes of these reviews could be extremely boring and not really high up in its entertainment value. In any case, I thought to focus for the second time on this side of the music review department, skipping for the most part the actual music and reviewing the alcoholic beverages that make the whole reviewing thing possible. Let’s start with something utterly disgraceful… the drink called Tart.

*Tart*
First reaction of drinking Tart? Blech and yuk! It’s like drinking a watery drink in which a whole cologny of lemons had been squeezed out; sour indeed! They didn’t lie about that obviously! However with every sip my mouth and tongue seem to get kind of used to it. Well, not really.. I just applied my skill of meditation with each sip, just so not to puke it all up instantly. My organs weren’t appreciative to what I had make them discover, but oh well it’s all part of the experiment of broadening the taste palette.. but nah, even gulping this drink down in rapid speed didn’t make me enjoy the sharp taste of tart flavor. I really wander what kind of special tart enjoys this kind of tart? I would definitely never ever drink or buy this drink again and would question anyone who enjoys drinking this bakewell sour.. only badly writing music reviews would be popping up out of this one! what a horrible thing to put a human’s body through! I rather drink my own piss. In fact I would even rather drink my neighbors urine, that’s how terrible this experience was.. a tart? It should be called a liquid turd! Sue me, the truth is harsh; can’t come to me and tell me it taste wonderful and lovely… it’s sickening. Well that is just my opinion of course, but hey it’s a strikingly honest one! So yes, if you need to get a angry and upset vibe for a write up for perhaps a horrid noise release; maybe this tart is evil enough to get you in the horrible mood for it.

TASTE: awful
Up or down: up, cause it kinda makes you upset..
minpoints: the taste
KN appreciation rate: zero
suitable music:

*American Pale*
Another one on the list of drinks that should only be going down your throats when you got it somewhere for free is this American Pale. I wonder why it is named like this.. is it because when American people drank it their faces become pale as if they had seen a ghost? It’s not a total disaster as the above discussed liquid lemon tart, in fact it taste quite ordinary, but yeah I just don’t really liked or enjoyed the look and feel of it. The can looks like it is some kind of lemonade, ready to be served at children parties. Wether it’s made to be mistakingly offered to children or if it’s there as a camouflage (so the responsible adults do not seem to drink (beer) while children are around) But yes, in my opinion it just looked tot zo cute, to bubble gum pop. Something you would expect to find in the bedroom of the late Micheal Jackson… talking about American Pale, eh?

TASTE: ordinairy
Up or down: down
minpoints: looks childish
KN appreciation rate: 2/5
suitable music:

“13 guns”
This drink also seem to have drifted ashore from American soil. It says that it is a salute to the original 13 states of America, which makes me think about the ‘number thirteen’ being a lucky number & that it must feel like a bit of a educational thing for me, as I’ve never knew that there had been 13 original states in America. But I doubt it’s anything juicy.. the drink didn’t seem to taste of sand, dirt or mud.. but indeed of a beer. A nice beer, w not one that will blow you away thanks to 13 canon shots, but still nice enough to light that fire.

TASTE: like a beer
Up or down: cant remember
minpoints: nothing remarkable
KN appreciation rate: its okay
suitable music:

*Life & Death*
So far not much exciting stuff on this list, but don’t get me wrong; at certain times any alcoholic drink could do! Toilet cleaner would do the trick too, but let’s keep this all classy and down to the things that are actually made (somehow) to be consumed. Let’s look at ‘life & death’ the drink – Another life saving saver in a can that next to saving, poisons its drinker at the same time. Quite nice this IPA drink, not as foamy as expected and pretty refreshing. Also pretty pricey for just a small can of it. But indeed, it gives a nice fruity after taste, a bit of a mix between a thirst tranquilizer and something that leaves the mouth begging for more. Bitter and sweet that feels conceptually like death and life. It did the job of calming me down with its above average 6.5 alcohol percentage, but yeah; not strong enough to knock a person out, which is something you would expect for its pricey price. So yes, nice and handy. But yeah, for the same price I imagine that it could have at least been a bigger can! Or some kind of mega orgasm that would end up with a user’s instant fatality!

TASTE: quite nice
Up or down: something in the middle?
minpoints: expensive
KN appreciation rate: 3/5
suitable music:

*Twisted grapefruit IPA*
Oh wow, yeah.. this one had been coming as a cute little surprise! Yes, it also came in a can, but was a tiny bit more cheaper then the other ones as mentioned above. The inside of this can came surprisingly with the taste of a tangy grapefruit and it had also alcohol swimming around in it; this (not totally unsurprising) I both enjoyed. I seriously said; “wow” upon the first sip.. it actually didn’t make a false promise as so many other of these alcoholic drinks did before; it did actually gave what it said on the tin and indeed tasted of a grapefruit. It also cleared my thirst instantly, no dry mouth or a feeling of the need to drink more of it; it was as if the inside of my mouth had swallowed a tropical fruit and as you can possibly guess; that was a pretty thirst destroying experience that lasted for a while. I expected that it would tasted like the outside sharp peel of a grapefruit, but it was much better than that.

TASTE: fruity
Up or down: probable up & down
minpoints: that its not free?
KN appreciation rate: 3/5
suitable music:

*Crabbie’s original alcoholic ginger beer*
Oh my gosh! This beer might be of the lowest alcohol percentage that had ever passed into my hands, but oh goodness the taste did absolutely make up for it! I love ginger and I love ginger beer: but with the additional 4% I simply seem to love it even more. I had doubts when I saw the bottle, as it is hard to believe that real gluten free ginger beer would taste as tasty as it tasted; but it did! It kind of made me enthusiastic, like a little child that had just made the right choice at the candy department. Also the price for this bottle was fair, all the previous shite above truly feel now like a waste of time, money and words.. although you know what the people say; you always need to try something in order to say you dislike or like it, right? I restrict this rule to anything food and drink wise, just to avoid sexual complications and diseases.. but still; I’m glad to have laid my eye on this ginger beer, it made my inside nice and sparkly, lovely in it’s smooth spicy essence, not too sharp and not too mild; just about right; which is pretty worth a sweet applause. Clap clap clap… I might sound a bit sarcastic over here, but I’m actually serious; this is a really nice light beer that really fits a day in the sun. Lovely and relaxed and not at all a reason to feel disappointed or betrayed by its brewers. I also enjoyed the steam when opening the bottle and the tiny layer of foam on top of this beverage. It looked (through the bottle) like a nice golden color, really making me feel like some kind of royalty that had just won the jackpot. Life is good’ was my thought when I drank it all & positive thoughts like these are (let’s be honest) hard to find! So yes, finally a beer that is fair, cheap, likable and tasty on this list. Hell, I even endorse it!

TASTE: Full on flavor, yummy!
Up or down: who knowns
minpoints: wish there was more alcohol inside
KN appreciation rate: 5/5
suitable music:

*Brewdog PUNK IPA*
This drink hasn’t come to me as a stranger, It really whas crossed my path many times before as a good friend, always being helpful when it appeared, never rude and always ready to to slide down my throat in da a easy fashion. I don’t really know why it is called PUNK but it surely helps catering to the likes like me. The drink taste very refreshing, making life feel good & has enough alcohol inside to quench a crucial moment in any stressful situation. Because I love listening to the Screamers so much, as no band seem to have been able to provide the right energy as they seem to give me.. but just because they see true punk to me, I push them here as it’s a nice spot to be in.

TASTE: a refreshing beverage
Up or down: down
minpoints: what?
KN appreciation rate: 4/5
suitable music:

*Desperados*
Pfew, I know.. you must be really desperate to drink desperados. It’s alright though, it has the booze to get you there, especially when consumed on a empty stomach as a liquid breakfast. I like these flavor of it, it’s nice in some kind of upbeat spicy way. The disappointment comes when you realize that there is actually no tequila in there. Just some lame tequila flavoring, still I wouldn’t call it a bad drink, just a bit of clever false advertising that makes it into a hipster drink you wouldn’t wanted to seen alive with. As even though truth about its contents is written somewhere on the can, the drink design itself does give you the feeling that you are actually drinking beer with tequila. But yes, who cares! For a alcoholic the 5.9 (why not 6?) percent alcohol percentage is not at all sucwh a bad ingredient. It seems to work fine in my flavor department even though the name and the design makes me feel a bit ashamed to walk around drinking this drink in public.

TASTE: tequila flavored
Up or down: middle of the road
minpoints: it’s not really tequila is it?
KN appreciation rate: 3/5
suitable music:

•Smile•
To cheer this part of the walkabout on the beer guide up a bit, we landed upon the part dedicated to this drink called ‘smile’.
I don’t remember much about it, other that it tasted nice and citrusy. There was plenty of fresh foam as well, so if you really wanted, you could draw foamy mustaches on your upper lip with it for s high comedic appeal. The best part of this drink is obviously the name and the artwork; the half galore smiley face was actually perfectly representing how I felt while sipping this one down. A melted brain, a smile and everything was alright!

TASTE: citrusy
Up or down: down
minpoints: nothing to complain
KN appreciation rate: 3/5
suitable music:

*Triple karmeliet*
Oh delicious, refreshing, kind to the tongue, hardcore to the liver and all 299 percent pleasure to the brain. It’s the perfect drink to get in to the blessed zone on a summer’s day. It made me instantly smiley, slimy and happy, a blessing that was eager to please and fulfilled all my alcoholic needs. It made the whole world tumble, made me see it all coming from a funny perspective and gosh that’s gorgeous. Taste wise I couldn’t complain, it felt like being kissed by the sun and having a bath in pure vacation. Talking about vacation… the next drink felt like one too..

TASTE: sun kisses
Up or down: down
minpoints: feels like it’s for sunny days
KN appreciation rate: 4/5
suitable music:

*Innis & gunn blood red sky*
It tasted of palm beaches, sunny sands, relaxation, smooth daytimes and even smoother nights with candle lights and delighted aromas. What can a person possibly want to taste more? And who on earth wouldn’t want to bring its tongue to a holiday like this? Pretty foamy, but the foam was as if the foam on the sea was drinkable, pretty tasty and calming in all the good ways. It also tasted like a proper beer, so it couldn’t be any better than this one on this list. A drink to the tropics..

TASTE: a smooth beach
Up or down: down
minpoints: it makes you into a nice person
KN appreciation rate: 4/5
suitable music:

Well, I think that’s it for all the drinking drinks for today. It’s a miracle that I’m still able to write to you all, but as you could see non of these alcoholic friends did kill me & non of them would probably send you to the after life; so all is certifiably proven to be safe , sane and proper.

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